Christine Schlonski [0:02]
Hi Gorgeous! This is episode number 244. And the amazing Anita Nielson is back on the show today.

Anita Nielsen [0:08]
Hi, this is Anita Nielsen. You’re listening to Heart Sells! Podcast with Christine Schlonski. Enjoy.

Anita Nielsen [0:14]
I am so super fun to have Anita back on the show today we’re going to talk about knowing that the success coming to you is actually, earned. How you can become really really confident? What Anita has learned on that journey. I’ll also share a little bit of mine. And yeah, I’m so excited to have Anita back on the show. She serves as a trusted partner to C-Level Leaders providing business and sales transformation advisory services, through her company LDK Advisory Services. Anita has over 20 years of experience, expertise and business acumen in the B2B technology space. And she is recognized as an industry thought leader, and as the Author of the amazing Book: Beat The Bots that we talked about in Episode 243 called Beat The Bots. And it’s about how your humanity can future proof your tech sales career, which was also named as one of The Book Authorities best sales books of all time. So I’m so super pumped to have Anita back. Let’s tune in. I am so super excited to have you back on the show, Anita. Welcome!

Anita Nielsen [1:24]
Thank you. I’m so glad we get to do this again.

Christine Schlonski [1:28]
I know it has been so much fun and you shared so many golden nuggets. I love the way we talked about asking high impact questions instead of just asking questions. So you really can go into the emotions into the why of the person you talk to and understand their motivation to potentially buy your service or product, and then also figure out how you can serve them best.

Anita Nielsen [1:54]
Exactly.

Christine Schlonski [1:55]
And what we also talked about was the first thing you ever sold and you seemed to be like, so confident all over the time. So let me ask you, Have you always been that confident?

Anita Nielsen [2:06]
Oh, absolutely, not. Absolutely, not. So I’m not one of these natural born, you know, personalities that’s out there trying to be in the face of everyone. That’s something I’ve very much had to work hard, hard on over the years. And I think probably in the past five years, since I’ve been able to be successful with my business that’s been huge in terms of helping with my confidence, and also knowing that what I’m saying is resonating with people, and I get a lot of confidence from that knowing that the audience is is supporting me and that they want to hear what I have to say. But absolutely, not. That is not something that I think comes easy to me. But it just kind of goes to show that if you know that if you know you have a weakness and you really are sensitive to it, and you work hard on it. I’m so glad that you thought I come off very confident because that means that it’s working, right? So it’s one of those things where, you just got to keep working at it.

Christine Schlonski [2:54]
Yeah, yeah, it’s totally, working. And I also think it’s working because you know what you’re talking about.

Anita Nielsen [3:00]
Yeah, yeah.

Christine Schlonski [3:01]
Right? So I feel like, you know, I can be super confident and then other times, not at all, right? It really, depends on the situation on how comfortable you are feeling with the topic, for example, right? I could not discuss, like, you know, some technical software stuff. I would just sit and listen and you know, try to learn something. But um, yeah, I think confidence is something you can learn. And you can practice, especially oftentimes I see it as entrepreneurs, when they startout to put their own stuff into the world like now they create something that hasn’t been there before. Nobody else tells them what to create? What kind of price tag to put on? Who to serve? And now this kind of challenge comes up that, you know, they might think well, am I a fraud? Is this worth the money I’m asking for, right? It’s like the imposter syndrome, where we question ourselves, our self worth our existence, our products, our entrepreneurial being. So what have you experienced?

Anita Nielsen [4:16]
So it’s funny as I, when I first started to work on my book, I was with a team that did coaching on helping me write a book. And one of the first things I said was, I am an imposter child or imposter syndrome. So, team as my support team, you’re going to have to help me not go down that path. And so again, this goes back to you know, once you know it, you work on it, but it’s true, and it wouldn’t matter how much I knew. And this is years back, it wouldn’t matter how much I knew or how much I was applauded by people or how much people were appreciating me. I still always had a nagging feeling like, is it? Is this enough? Am I doing the right thing or what if it’s not right, and, you know, at some point, you have to just tell yourself, yeah, you are and you make no mistake when you aren’t, people aren’t going to buy what you’re selling, and people aren’t going to listen to you. So there’s a very clear way that you’re going to know if you’re failing. And if you’re not doing well. But when you are succeeding people, it is resonating with people then give yourself the credit that you did earn that. And that’s I think that’s the key is knowing that the success that’s coming to you was earned, not an accident. And that is a definite mind shift. I think that a lot of people, especially early on as entrepreneur grows into, is that I’m earning this this isn’t something that is luck, or just came by accident. It’s my work and that’s the fruits of that labor.

Christine Schlonski [5:37]
Yeah, it’s it’s not the overnight success. Yeah, yeah, totally, get that. And then it’s, for example, that’s something I also had to work on to understand like, you look, I mean, you are your biggest critic. Right? And that’s probably gonna stay this way, which is good, but it can be challenging as well. And so what what gave me all more confidence is that, you know, I put something out there, and then I was judging it all the time, then how can I make it better? But what surprised me is that the people that consume the content, were super, super happy. And they appreciate it. And they had Aha’s! and breakthroughs where I thought, huh? But that was, you know, that was the easy part. Because for me, it’s easy since it’s my field of expertise, but for them, it’s not. And then also like watching other people’s programs, we think what that’s, totally basic. I don’t even get why you would put it in a program. Well, for other people, it’s mind blowing. And just being open and reminding yourself that whatever you teach, you’re probably really, really good at it and learning from you. They need more the beginner the basic

Anita Nielsen [6:59]
That’s simplify, simplify is something I always say. And if I’m thinking about specifically sales professionals or entrepreneurs, if we go into a customer meeting, for example, and we’re not confident about something, we set ourselves up to fail in some way, right? Because your mind is not thinking about what can I do to help this customer? Your mind is thinking, How do I not look like a fool in front of this customer, which is not the right thought process? So what I’ve found over the years is that regardless of what you’re selling, when you go into a customer, and if you’re confident that you’re going to help them and you’re sincere, and that intent, that if something comes up that you don’t necessarily know the answer to, you can say you don’t. And I’ve yet to meet a customer that will say, You’re stupid, right? Or think that even, they will appreciate that you told them that because one thing people know for sure is that everybody doesn’t know everything. So it helps you to acknowledge that you don’t necessarily know something. And I think for sales professionals, the idea of maybe not knowing the answer is where they’re, where they start to have shaky confidence. And then that is this eye roll all over just, go down and down and down. So always know that, you know, it’s okay to say that you don’t know something. And that doesn’t, that shouldn’t diminish your self confidence, it should empower you that you will be able to go on and sell yourself so well, that saying, you don’t know something is going to make that customer think better of you instead of think less of you.

Christine Schlonski [8:17]
Yeah, yeah, I totally, agree. And so how do how do you deal with a no?

Anita Nielsen [8:25]
With a no for not somebody doesn’t want to buy?

Christine Schlonski [8:27]
Yeah.

Anita Nielsen [8:28]
Yeah. So I mean, it’s pretty straightforward. So okay, well, help me understand. Can you help me understand for my, own self-improvement, and I have done my work, and if I’ve been who I am and genuinely cared about them, they will tell me and I’ll say, I just would like to know so that I don’t do the same thing again. And, you know, then you just take that information and you use it to help yourself get better. So that’s the best way to deal with a no and then I also you know, even if I do and luckily knock on a lot of wood here. I haven’t had that experience recently. I mean, with the business I’ve been very lucky but I think back when I was selling indeed. Uh, no, I still would keep in touch with that person. And I and sometimes the person who said no once, actually, the majority of the time the person who said no once because I kept in touch with them, they came around whether it was a year, year and a half, two years later, they’d come back and say, Hey, how about this? So I think, no, it’s just not right now. I think that’s how you have to look at it. Just don’t be annoying. And don’t be sneaky and shady. My always my disclaimer is if you go in work with a customer with the intent to help them win whatever winning means to them, they will know that, and then if you continue to follow up with them afterward, they’ll be okay with it. But if you go in and act like a sleazy percentage sleazy salesperson who’s very self-centered and you know that you can tell wants to just get a commission check. It will never work because they’re telling you No because they cannot deal with that and they don’t want to deal with you. So do the right thing, have that positive good intent. And people can sense that.

Christine Schlonski [9:55]
Yeah, yeah. And know, “No” means not now, that was always like my explanation, and it helped me so much. Because when you care about the person, and you care about them winning with your product or your service, of course, you keep in touch. Why wouldn’t you, right? They said “No” to the moment, they didn’t say no to you as a person.

Anita Nielsen [10:17]
And with, so for some of the coaching that I do, I do coaching with companies, but I also do one on one with some sales professionals out there. And I had this one situation where I worked with, I had my initial conversation with a sales professional, and I thought it went really, really well. But ultimately, I didn’t hear back from him for a while. And so I was kind of like, I wonder what happened there. And so I sent a notice that hey, not nagging, just checking in with you to see if anything is going on? Is there anything I can do or answer for you? And he responded, there’s something else going on his life, so he kind of got distracted, but it was just that, you know, I had to look at it as he wasn’t ready at that time and he wasn’t ready. And if I would have tried to force him, we both would have failed. And so in some situations, you have to know that no is the right answer. Because it is not Right for either the buyer or the seller, and the, you know, a truly good salesperson recognize it and they know when to walk away. Because if they do a deal that is not going to benefit both parties, they will pay for it later. And that’s something that’s maturity that comes with time as well, knowing that, you know, you gotta know when to walk away.

Christine Schlonski [11:21]
Yeah, definitely. But what you also want to have in a sales conversation is you want a yes or no, because so many people are afraid of deciding one way or the other. And maybe you just waste so much time and following up. They already know they don’t want to do it. But then you write an email or you call again and then you become that negative person.

Anita Nielsen [11:44]
That’s right, that, and even if you’re not, like we are being taken advantage of this is my, this is the thing that drives me bananas with some of the reps, is instead of, really asking and finding out where they’re at. There’ll be a deal that stuck but yet they’ll keep on going back and be having lunches with these people and you know, talking to them on a regular basis, but never understanding why they aren’t moving forward. And again, that’s fear, that’s fear that you’re going to be rejected or that there’s going to be something that you said that didn’t matter to them. And the trick is, you have to get past that. Because if you are truly working to help someone, your desire to help them has to mean more to you than your desire to be selfish, and to be afraid of being rejected. You have to be able to face that. I’ll tell you, that is one of the hardest things in the world, probably for sales professionals to do. But it does, with that maturity, it really, does make a big difference.

Christine Schlonski [12:39]
So when is, when is a good point to ask that question?

Anita Nielsen [12:43]
Yeah, that’s really good question. I think, unfortunately, I wish there was a straight a hard and fast answer for that. It does depend on the context, and it does depend on the relationship as it’s developing. But I think at some point, if you’ve done a really good job of again, showing that intent, and providing that rational logical information that they need to have. I think at that point, it’s fair to ask you to say, I mean, you have to make a big deal out of it, just say, am I on the right track? Are we tracking? You know, to get to a point where this is the product that you want to implement and you want to purchase? That’s it. Let them, let them answer that question. You know, or, or how do you think we’re doing? Right? If you’re honest, they know that you’re trying to sell them something. They’re not foolish. It’s something that you’re trying to do. And so don’t be obnoxious about it. Just say, you know, what, I this is the product I want to sell you and you’ve done it from a good place of intent. If it’s not moving, you have to stop and ask, and you have to say, what do I need to do? What’s missing? Right? And then you work from there.

Christine Schlonski [13:40]
Yeah. And that’s totally, authentic, right? You’re just looking for a way to make it work, to make it a win win for everybody involved. And if it can’t be a win win because they are not ready or there are some other circumstances that can influence, give them time to breathe.

Anita Nielsen [13:57]
Exactly. And sometimes you know, it’s funny if you do that it’s amazing. If you build that relationship early on, sometimes you’re able to get to that point where they ask if you’ve been a good person and had that rapport, when they come to that realization that they’re not going to buy from you. A lot of people will just say, you know what, this isn’t gonna work for me. You know, I love the time, you know, but I don’t want to waste your time anymore. And that’s something a customer very well could say. And you have to take that as a big compliment. Because they could have just strung you along and along, along, but instead, they were very honest with you, and they trusted you enough to be able to say that. I think it’s a totally, different mindset for people to think that way.

Christine Schlonski [14:34]
Yeah. So do you have maybe one or two tips, what can people do right now to overcome their fear of selling?

Anita Nielsen [14:45]
Yeah, I think one of the things that you have to do is stop looking at selling as you’re trying to do something to someone, right? You’re trying to sell to them. That’s not what it is. You have to look at selling as being someone who’s going to help another person. Make a decision that they need to make or help them succeed. Because the minute you look at it that way, it changes your entire demeanor and how you approach a customer. If you’re thinking about it as a paycheck, or as a commission check, your behavior will automatically because that mindset, be one of a salesperson, and that’s not who they want to buy from. So, you know, be real, be honest, but going with that good intent, because without that good intent, you’re just another salesperson. And so I think that’s the that’s the biggest thing, make sure that you are going from a good place.

Christine Schlonski [15:35]
Yeah, I love that advice. And it’s so true and so valuable. People, we will know, when you really, truly want to connect and when you care. And those are usually the people we tend to buy from, because we want to be honored and appreciated. And we just want to feel that love, so to speak, that you really, deeply cares, and wants to help us to win and not just saying that, so they can have a better paycheck.

Anita Nielsen [16:02]
Yeah. And that works on both sides of the equation. So just from our standpoint, if there’s coaches and sales, people that are doing sales enablement type services, one of the most valuable things that ever happened, it’s a quick story. So I’ve been working with one of clients at a company was one of the people that I was coaching, and he was doing okay, well, then he lost a deal. And it was a big deal. And so all of a sudden, this person that was an amazingly high performer now lost a monster deal. And so everyone was looking at him differently. And they were just treating him differently. And even the manager was not, it was just kind of like what happened and just badgering. And I was in the background, just kind of saying, it’s okay, it happened. You know, this is what we learn from it. Let’s move on. And I said, this is not a reflection of who you are as a seller. It’s just a reflection of that situation and what could have been done better. So flash forward, like six months, they had their internal, it was like a sales meeting. And he got an award because he had in the meantime, he had sold a big deal. And so he gets up on stage and this is one of the moments where as a coach that you live for it, right? And he was just talking to give me a second he won a big award. They gave him a minute to talk. And he just said, you know, I need to, I have to thank Anita. Okay, I’m a consultant, first of all, an outside person for this company. So for me, just to hear that was mind boggling. But what he said was even more important, he said, you never gave up on me. You never doubted that I could do it. Even when I did. You did it. And he’s like, and that’s why I was able to do this. So I mean, everbody who knows me knows that at that point, I’m crying, right. But it’s so meaningful. But it’s both sides of the spectrum. You have to you have to continue to care about people. You can’t give up on them. You know, when maybe they said something that didn’t really, make sense to you or you felt like you were rejected, don’t give up as long as you have that good relationship. They’ll appreciate you.

Christine Schlonski [17:46]
Yeah, and I think that is what makes a coach a mentor. Awesome. Because they see the potential and they support you through that journey, even though that everybody else around you doesn’t, right? Because one thing happened.

Anita Nielsen [18:02]
Yeah, sales managers are looking at numbers. And as coaches, we’re looking at humans. And we’re looking at these people and what’s their potential and what prevented them. And I love the way that you always talk about like self development, right? I think as coaches, we help sales professionals do self development, which is something that a lot of companies don’t do for them. So I think it’s, um, it’s it’s extremely valuable to us to know that we’ve helped in that journey.

Christine Schlonski [18:24]
Yeah. Beautiful. So can you share with us a book that has made a big impact in your life? And I’m sure you read a ton of books. But what comes to mind when you hear that question?

Anita Nielsen [18:38]
So probably one of the first books that really helped me it was a leadership book, it was, um, back in the 90’s. It was The Seven Habits Of Highly Successful People by Stephen Covey. And you know, when I first read I was kind of like, this is hokey. But then as I started to learn more about it, I became very passionate about the things that were in there because it was very human content that are talked about human beings and how we think and that made me recognize that how I do things is the right way. And to follow on with that was principle centered leadership. So it kind of becomes, if you’re a good leader, you can be a good leader in sales or anything else. But those are the basic, you know, human things that you need to be doing not just to be successful, but to be happy and fulfilled. And so I think that was probably a big one from a leader from early on in my career, and I went and got certified and all these things, but that still comes up today. And then recently, I think I read this book, it was called The Transparency Sale by Todd Capone. And I really love that one. It’s very similar to the things we talked about how you have to be real? So those are probably the couple that come to mind right now.

Christine Schlonski [19:38]
Yeah, awesome. Yeah. And who hasn’t read The Seven Habits?

Anita Nielsen [19:43]
I know. But the thing is, people read it, but they don’t get it. And so one of my favorite things to do is help them understand like what is proactive mean, in their life, so?

Christine Schlonski [19:52]
I’m gonna put a link in the Show Notes as well so you can check that out. But what really stuck with me is that those are habits when, I mean, that’s all of your life, like being fulfilled and happy through the relationship building peace, right? And I love like he had so many great examples from his children to his wife to, you know, like people around him. It really made a big difference for me just getting the concept.

Anita Nielsen [20:23]
Yes. Yeah. And just the empathy the way that it portrayed empathy for me. That was probably the first time I even recognized that empathy was such a powerful thing. And and it is. And so when you learn that it changes the world now, I mean, several years ago, and I always going through personal stuff, but my kids were very young and I actually bought a game board. That was the seven habits for children and the books, and to this day, I hear things from them that say, well, I was trying to be empathetic and I just, you know, you get so proud of that’s exactly how I feel with sales professionals because when they learn that, it becomes such an invaluable lesson for them.

Christine Schlonski [21:01]
Hmm, beautiful. Which leads to the question, What does Heart Sells! mean for you?

Anita Nielsen [21:08]
So Heart Sells! means for me that you’re selling from a place of benevolence, and and love and joy, and not from a place of self, not being self serving. So it is going from a place of I need to create something positive for the person. I need to create some magic in the conversations that I have with this person. So it’s using your heart to guide your conversation, and that ultimately will lead to the sale.

Christine Schlonski [21:35]
Yeah, beautiful. So at the end, do you have some, like parting piece of guidance for our listeners?

Anita Nielsen [21:43]
Sure. I think it’s the thing that I always say is, you know who you are and what you stand for, are the two most important things you have in terms of differentiating, whether that’s from competition or from robots. Make sure that you take who you are and what you stand for and what you learn about your customer and turn that into something that is personalized value for them that no one else can imitate. And that is I think the real way to stay successful in sales for the for the long term.

Christine Schlonski [22:12]
Thank you so, so much. Again, this episode was so packed with golden nuggets.

Anita Nielsen [22:17]
I love it. I love this conversation.

Christine Schlonski [22:19]
Yeah, that’s what we do, right? We just love sales. And I would love for the audience love sales as well. Like sales is love.

Anita Nielsen [22:28]
Yes.

Christine Schlonski [22:28]
When you come from that place that you are serving and that you want them to win, and to really truly support your audience, then that’s all you do you share your love.

Anita Nielsen [22:39]
Yes. Yeah, that’s it.

Christine Schlonski [22:41]
Awesome. Thank you so so much.

Anita Nielsen [22:43]
Thank you. Thank you. I appreciate that. This is a great conversation. Thanks.

Christine Schlonski [22:47]
Thank you. Well, I hope Gorgeous, you had a really really great episode with Anita listening to her. I feel that she has given so many golden nuggets, especially when we talk confidence, when we talk about showing up. When we talk really about owning our awesomeness and making sure that we are serving our audience, and realizing that obviously, we are some steps had of our audience, something that comes natural to us that is easy for us might be totally mind-blowing for them. So being in that chain of thought really will help you to not go into the imposter syndrome and thinking like you are faking it, or you are not good enough, or you don’t know how to show up, it will actually, help you to show up in a way so much stronger by realizing if you attract your ideal client, your soulmate client, as I call them, then you will have those clients that no matter what you say, you will deliver value with your content.

Christine Schlonski [23:50]
So hop on over to christineshlonski.com. Find the Podcast tab and I need us amazing episodes. It’s Episode 244 this one and then Beat The Bots 243. And you will also find the Show Notes and the Transcripts and all the tools and Resources. So you can actually get Anita’s high impact questions. And also there’s a link to Beat The Bots and to all of her social media handles so you can connect with Anita right away with just one click. And once you’re over there, make sure you Sign Up for the Empowerment Notes. That is Empowerment right into your inbox, as well as the updates on Heart Sells! Podcast, amazing content, I usually do not share on social media. And yeah, all the things that are going on here at Heart Sells! Academy so you can be empowered. And I thank you so much for being here. If you know one, two, three, four, amazing Heart-Centered Entrepreneurs, make sure you share Heart Sells! Podcast with them, so they also can get this amazing content and you help them grow their businesses was love. Thank you so much for being here. Have a wonderful day wherever you are in this beautiful world and I’m saying bye for now.