Christine Schlonski [0:02]
Hey! Gorgeous. This is episode number 215. You are listening to Heart Sells! Podcast. This is your host Christine Schlonski. Today is variety Friday. I am so super pumped because for variety Fridays, I bring you some tips, some advice, I share some knowledge in regards to sales that I have picked up and learned. I also share amazing resources. Today, I have a very, very special guest. This is unusual for variety Fridays, but I really think by introducing Caroline Minelli to you, you will actually really take something away to get your sales game to the next level. So tune in. Caroline is known as a marriage saving mentor. And I decided to bring her on the show, first of all because she is one of my amazing soulmate clients and I love her work. Second of all, in today’s times, with all the lockdowns going on and all over the world, all of a sudden, we are kind of locked in with the partner we have chosen, maybe a long time ago, maybe it’s rather fresh. But oftentimes, it’s not like that fresh love anymore than when you fall in love before you get married and everything is exciting. Usually these times can produce some stress because we are not used to spend that much time together. So I decided to bring Caroline on since sales is holistic. If you have stress in your relationship, that very well will transform into your business and we don’t need any stress in business right now. We need thriving businesses. And with Caroline’s wonderful work, she really helps marriages to redefine themselves for both partners to kind of get into a relationship that is thriving and happy. So without further ado, welcome Caroline.

Caroline Minelli [2:10]
Hello, Christine. I’m so happy so pleased that you have me. Thank you very, very much.

Christine Schlonski [2:17]
Yeah, I’m so super excited. Just to let you know guys, If you’re wondering are Caroline is in Switzerland, so obviously she speaks German as well. So you’ve got to have two very interesting accents. My German – German accent and her’s with German accent. I we’re just gonna have a lot of fun. So at least you can understand what we’re talking about. So Caroline, let me ask you first, I know that women come to you when they realize that their marriage is not really working for them. They need help and support in building a thriving and happy marriage with their partner. When we just look at that, how is it different from couples therapy? Why would somebody come to you instead of a therapist?

Caroline Minelli [3:05]
Yes. So the difference that I see between what I do and what happens in therapy is that I am supporting my clients, these beautiful women who fight for their marriage, in finding their own solutions, we are not looking for the causes, for the roots of the problem. But we are searching for the solutions that are mostly already attend, but sometimes in the midst of the trouble, they cannot see them.

Christine Schlonski [3:46]
It’s basically, it’s a kind of any coaching, you as the mentor, as the guide sees so much more than the person itself, themselves.

Caroline Minelli [3:57]
Well, it’s not even that I see it. It’s through the questions I asked them, I guide them finding their own solutions and building their own solutions. The very beautiful part about this is that, it’s enough if only the woman comes, or if there is a man, surely only the men can do this, can change his own relationship. Only one partner is required to do this work.

Christine Schlonski [4:31]
Wow. That’s amazing. Basically, if you are in a relationship where you feel it’s not the way you like it to be, then you can come, I mean, people can come to work with you as one person and it will change their relationship as a whole.

Caroline Minelli [4:52]
Definitely, definitely will. Since the the marriage is a system and maybe there are even children around if you just, if, my sister just brought me this beautiful picture of a little creek that is flowing but there are many stones blocking the water and sometimes you only need to use one. You take away one little stone and the water starts flowing and the water is taking away the other obstacles. That is what is possible. If only one person starts changing something about.

Christine Schlonski [5:33]
That’s so true. Be the change that you want to see in the world.

Caroline Minelli [5:38]
Exactly.

Christine Schlonski [5:40]
That’s what I love about your work because it’s so deep and it’s not focused on who caused what, like where did we fight for the first time or the history of the relationship. But what can you do right now, what kind of solutions can you create to really take the relationship, the marriage to the next level? Because we all know when we have stress and one area in our lives, it does reflect on all the other areas of our lives. Sales really is holistic. If you have health issues, if you have relationship challenges, financial challenges, it will all reflect in the business you are building. That’s why it’s also said that entrepreneurship is the best self development tool you can take on the planet.

Caroline Minelli [6:33]
Oh, definitely.

Christine Schlonski [6:34]
Yeah, give us like, what are the reasons that the model you work with is so successful?

Caroline Minelli [6:42]
I believe it’s very successful because we are putting very careful attention on any even most little thing that is already working. That could mean that you see how your husband brings the glass back to the kitchen. This is something that you might like him doing. You would like that he keeps on doing that. So there’s something that’s working. Giving attention to all the things that already work the way you would like them to work too. Then showing appreciation for. This can be a little tiny step, one of the little stones to put into another place. You can find out in the talks with me, you will discover strength that you have. Strengths that you can find strength in yourself, in the partnership, in the marriage, and you find the strength inside of you. Maybe you haven’t found them before, but now you can see them. This gives, I’m searching for the right word. This gives you a feeling of being able to get through this hard time. We have very, very hard times for many, many families at the moment. It is horrific because they are not used to this situation to being stuffed into one tiny place. Maybe it’s bigger, may be smaller, but they’re not used to do this and discovering their own strength and starting to play with them can really change things.

Christine Schlonski [8:28]
Yeah, I also can see that so many families are locked down in smaller apartments and in some places, you can’t even go for a walk. I just talked to someone in South Africa yesterday and she was like, it’s total lockdown. You’re only allowed to leave your home when you go grocery shopping. For any other reason you can’t even walk your dog. I think that puts a lot of stress on relationships, especially now if you also have children who demand and need special care, every, the whole situation changes and we do not have the habits creating a thriving environment, because we used to, we could potentially go and get distracted by going to the movies or meeting with friends or going on vacation changing environment. But now all of a sudden, it feels like so many people are stuck. That puts a lot of pressure on to any relationship. Even if it was a happy one before or not. I think that really changes because the missing piece of freedom, which puts a lot of stress on people.

Caroline Minelli [9:44]
And the life did work differently. And now we are in this crisis. But there are other times in life when we have different crisis’s. It doesn’t have to be a big crisis like the Coronavirus at the moment. It can be a little crisis that can really be hard on the marriage and learning how to change the thinking and the attitudes and sometimes really no time working with me. That is amazing what changes it can bring to a marriage, what positive changes.

Christine Schlonski [10:20]
Yeah, in such a fast way. So let me let me ask you, when usually, at what point does usually a woman discover that she needs to ask for help? Because I think that might be like a big challenge that people have; a.) they need to know that your wonderful work exists, that they do not need to find a therapist. What’s the point where they probably go and Google secretly or looking in Amazon for books or for some advice and support, what’s the trigger?

Caroline Minelli [10:58]
Well, thinking about your listeners who all are entrepreneurs and building their businesses. I imagine that the woman might be sitting in front of her computer trying to work, and she just can’t think of anything else but, “How am I going to make this? How am I going to do my work? How are we going to make it?”, and she might start crying and won’t be able, just to get her head around the stuff she really needs to do for her business. She even might feel really, really desperate. Then she would go probably look for help.

Christine Schlonski [11:46]
What happened before? I mean, usually people in a long term relationship or have they been married for a long time, when do you see your clients starting to struggle?

Caroline Minelli [12:02]
Well, a woman just at the moment, it could be a situation that her husband is home, she needs to do her work for building the business. The children are home, they have to do their homework, they have to also be quiet and moments that she’s working. Maybe the husband doesn’t really help at the moment or she feels that he doesn’t help and she’s overwhelmed with everything. With the cooking, with the children, with the building her business. In her last weeks, she has talked to him many times, she said, “Please, honey, could you take the children to the balcony and play a game. I can’t do this work. I really need to have a quiet around me where I need to concentrate.” Somehow he, every day he forgets again and he does his own stuff. She has to tell him again. Then maybe one day she will be there like, it’ll she gets really angry and screams at him and he screams back and then they are really, really angry at each other and he’s going to his room and she will go to the computer. She tries to calm down, but the tears just come out of her eyes and she just she can’t even think about working. She can think about cooking. She’s just totally overwhelmed and very, very sad and she feels helpless. She doesn’t know anymore how to do this. It must not be a crisis like Corona. It can be any crisis, any moment where she feels that she, she really has communicated her needs. She feels they’re not heard. She feels that she has done everything imaginable she could be doing and it does not help. That’s when she starts looking for somebody or something, anything that can bring some alleviation for her situation.

Christine Schlonski [14:31]
But the good news is that she has not yet done anything she could, because that’s usually what people learn when they come to you. It sounds like a pretty tough job that you’re doing. Why are you yourself so passionate about marriages? I mean, what’s firing you up?

Caroline Minelli [14:51]
Well, first of all, in this moment, it’s what I see I’m, I’m so touched when I can see that a woman, let’s say that woman, she finds me and she starts talking and working with me. She starts finding solution. She starts breathing again. She starts getting hope and her eyes start shining. This always brings tears to my eyes. It’s just beautiful. What brought me to that, was that, years ago, I was a music teacher and a dance and movement teacher. Through my own story, with my marriage that failed. I worked finding possibilities to save a marriage. For about four years on my own, I went to mentors, I bought every book and read every book I possibly could. I built up my own model through this, which is so helpful now. The reason I did that was because I don’t want anybody to have to go through that pain that I went through when my marriage broke apart. You said that, that was a very tough job and I don’t see it as a tough job at all. It’s very, very fulfilling.

Christine Schlonski [16:22]
I can totally see that. I know some of you amazing testimonials when you have worked with people. How you were able to change them was just one day when they came to you for VIP day, or when they are in your programs over a longer period of time. I just love that it’s not required that the couple comes. Often in therapy, both need to be in the same room. And oftentimes, one of them is not ready and usually it’s a guy to be in that room. That can be like a huge challenge if the woman knows, “I would love to do something, I’m ready, I would even go to therapy.” And then the husband doesn’t come with her, that can’t be a therapy. Also, what I love is that you actually you’ve been through it. You’ve been there, got that, got your T-shirt, as you will. You understand, you can connect with someone who’s thinking and feeling the way you have felt years ago. Why someone who is for example, a therapist, they know the theory, they probably seen enough couples going through therapy, helping them, but most of them have not been in such a painful state. I know from my relationship, I mean, this year, we started dating 20 years ago, which kind of gives you a clue about my age. I was young. Just seeing how the relationship involved and the challenges, being in, transitioning from high paying job to entrepreneurship, moving a couple times, me traveling a lot, having that relationship together, it does have challenges. Understand that you have to work on a relationship. It’s when you meet and you fall in love, you think, well, it’s always roses to the rest of your life until you realize, well, there are other challenges coming up. Then at some point, you might not be able to deal with these challenges by yourself. But you really wish that there would be a solution. So finding that solution, as I think is really, really important, but let me also ask you this and that might be a bit provoking. Do you think that every marriage needs to be safe and can be safe? Is it sometimes also better to just get a divorce, get over it and start new?

Caroline Minelli [19:09]
Hmm. That is a question that I get asked very, very often, especially, actually from people who are already divorced. I want to say my best basic attitude is, every marriage has the potential to be a good one. Therefore, every marriage can be saved. If every marriage needs to be saved, I don’t know. But every marriage has the potential to be.

Christine Schlonski [19:48]
That’s a good point because at some point, they got together due to some reason. Being in love, for example, wanting to spend the rest of their lives together.

Caroline Minelli [19:59]
Many, many marriages fail, not because there is no hope for them, but because they do not find the right support. Because of what you said before, they think both have to come to being able to change something about the situation. If people are around tell the woman and things. Women and even men hear a lot, “Well, why don’t you just get a divorce? You deserve better than him.” If he doesn’t want to, there is no chance. But that is simply not true. There is so much you can do.

Christine Schlonski [20:44]
Yeah, and that’s also from the outside right. Oftentimes when when people start to get help and support. They address friends and family. Obviously, that’s not very objective. It doesn’t really help. I’ve gotten some pretty bad advice from my parents in regards to my relationship where I thought, “Well, it’s my relationship. It’s my decision. I don’t even know why you’re giving me advice.” But I think that’s pretty important to go within, to find what you truly desire, what’s important to you and not to anybody else, from the outside. What are the usual mistakes that couple make, that can cause the relationship to fail, where does it start?

Caroline Minelli [21:37]
Hmmm, well, that is, that differs from every, from couple to couple. Every person, every situation is different. I always say, sometimes it’s even difficult to get along with oneself and if you get together with somebody else, this cumulate.

Christine Schlonski [22:00]
Accumulates a challenge. It’s all about you, you support it already. What is the common thread, do you see this like the biggest mistake?

Caroline Minelli [22:13]
Well, I can see one thing that is very important. To learn is to really learn to understand the other person. To really walk in their shoes. Many people walk in their own shoes and forget that their partner wears other shoes. That is surely one thing if you are not able or not ready to try to be empathetic and understand your partner that might bring problems. Something else, when problems arise, sometimes, people stop laughing, in between. If there are moments where the trouble is not so bad, they still don’t laugh because they always remember the problem. Humor is something, if it gets lost, then hope gets lost very fast. As Herman Hassey, I think he was a German writer. He said, “All humor starts with not taking yourself seriously.” And I like that. If I stopped taking myself too seriously, I can step back a little and look at my shoes, look at their shoes, and see where we can go together.

Christine Schlonski [23:49]
Mm hmm. That’s beautiful. That’s the same thing in sales actually. If you can’t walk in your client shoes, you don’t understand what they need, you will not be able to deliver. If you can’t deliver, because you don’t have anything to deliver, obviously, you’re not going to sell anything. If you don’t sell anything, you don’t have a business. That’s kind of how the circle closes off. Because if one area in your life has big challenges, it’s really important that you address them now. You take good care of your health, you take good care of your business, of your clients. But you also need to take excellent care of yourself to really understand who you are, what your desires are, and to learn how to communicate them. Because I know for myself, it took me a very long time to figure out what I wanted. What I really desired because I knew what I didn’t want. But that didn’t mean at the same time that I had a very clear picture of what I wanted. So if you don’t know what you want, how can you communicate it to someone else?

Caroline Minelli [24:59]
This is so so very important.

Christine Schlonski [25:05]
Yeah. And you brought us a wonderful gift. So everything is going to be in the show notes. All the links to you, to connect to you. So people if you are sitting at home right now, and you feel you are challenged with your relationship in some way, shape or form, I highly recommend you talk to Caroline. Just get a clear picture. All the links are in the show notes so you can connect with her. I know that you do offer calls, so people could potentially hop on a call if they are in a situation where they really need support right now.

Caroline Minelli [25:40]
And they are free for the moment.

Christine Schlonski [25:43]
Yeah, awesome. And then they are hot off the press. You created the brochure, How to Turn Your Marriage Into the Relationship You Always Have Dreamed Of, which I just loved the title. Because if you turn that relationship into what you have dreamed of and maybe even beyond, because now when everything works in your favor, your dreams probably become bigger because you grow. AI believe that when we grow our dreams grow as well. It will be so much easier for you to get your business to thrive, to get that relationship to thrive, to really, to give back, you are happier when you’re happier, you’re healthier. It’s like one goes hand in hand. I really would recommend that you hop on over to ttps://christineschlonski.com find the podcast tab and connect with Caroline there. There’s the transcript. There’s the show notes. There’s all the links connecting to her and her amazing gift. Is there anything you want to leave us with Caroline?

Caroline Minelli [26:49]
Um, well, yes. I want you to mind you that you are not only the CEO of your business, but you are the CEO of your whole life. You can turn your marriage into the relationship you’ve always dreamed of. And remember, it only takes one to change everything.

Christine Schlonski [27:17]
Beautiful. Well, thank you so, so much for sharing with my audience today. I’m so grateful for the work you do. I love supporting you, and seeing the ripple effect that your work has on your clients. When the marriage is saved, there’s more happiness in the homes. Children are more relaxed and less aggressive, they get better grades, I mean, this goes on and on. The ripple effect is just huge. Thank you so so much for your beautiful work and for having shared your time and wisdom with Heart Sells! Podcast’s listeners today. And yeah for you Gorgeous, thank you so much for tuning in. Have a wonderful day, wherever you are in this beautiful World and I’m saying bye for now.