Podcast

141 How to be YOU and Sell with Darrah Brustein

Equal parts teacher, connecter, and founder, Darrah Brustein stands for entrepreneurial empowerment.

In the fall of 2018, Darrah launched “Life by Design, Not by Default” sharing stories with visionaries like Deepak Chopra, Adam Grant and Jen Sincero in a 45 speaker online summit reaching over 7,000 people. For the past 10 years, she founded and scaled two businesses in tandem: a networking events company serving 30,000+ people and a payment processing company spanning 38 states.

A prolific writer and interviewer, Darrah’s thought leadership articles on lifestyle design have been read by over 1 million people across Forbes, Entrepreneur, and Thrive Global.

Her motivating motto “build a life of your own design, a career to fund it, and a network to support it” has inspired thousands to reach higher and dream bigger. She was even named “#1 to follow” by BossBabe Magazine. Most recently, Darrah launched the video series  “Diving Deep With Deepak & Darrah” to make deep topics relatable and translatable into your life.

  • Could not recommend it enough!
    March 18, 2019 by Mindful Mel from United States

    Listening to Heart Sells Podcast has felt like meeting a soulmate! That initial excitement of knowing this is exactly what you’ve been looking for, the peace of feeling completely understood and that burst of energy from knowing that anything is possible! Every episode has been chock full of awesome nuggets and beautiful reminders. The combination of incredibly successful powerhouses sharing their journey, practical and applicable tools and Christine’s heartfelt and authentic approach and energy, is an incredible gift for all heart-centered entrepreneurs!

  • Dondi Scumaci - Don't let a bad experience creep into your heart
    January 19, 2019 by WalkingInside from Canada

    Loved the interview! Dondi has a great way of reminding us that we get to choose the lesson in our experiences.

  • Amazing Podcast!
    January 5, 2019 by LaDawn Townsend from United States

    I just started listening to Christine's podcast and the content is amazing! Can't wait for the next episdoe.

  • Packed with Powerful & Practical Tips!
    December 24, 2018 by VanPavlik from United States

    Love this podcast! The lifeblood of any business is sales and Christine does an amazing job of making sales something you'll fall in love with instead of dread. These podcasts are short and get staright to the point, filling you with both the knowledge and motivation to go out and bring in lots more money to your business by selling from your heart. If you want to bury the notion that sales is sleazy or avoid "gurus" who make sales sleazy and instead learn to how to sell in a way that is heart-centered, easy, win-win, and non-pushy, then look no further... you have found the right podcast!

  • Mindset Makes The Difference
    December 17, 2018 by JanineFQ from United States

    Great show about creating a business with heart. If you think it, you can achieve it and Christine show you how to use your heart and mind to find success. I'll listen again.

  • Loved the JLD Interview
    December 16, 2018 by Thehighenergygirl from United States

    Wow, what a great interview with JLD. Christine your energy is great and I look forward to listening to your other episodes. Well done! BTW I love the title so much!

  • Follow your heart!
    December 14, 2018 by The Marketing Book Podcast from United States

    ... and your mindset will take it from there. Yogi Berra once said "90% of the game is half mental." With your heart and mind aligned (like planets) you'll be amazed at what you can accomplish. Subsribe, listen and start selling!

  • Afraid to sell? Listen here!
    December 13, 2018 by MizzBeeMe from United States

    These are wonderful interviews with successful entrepreneurs, (including the Queen of Sales Mindset, host Christine)......who share how they began, what their difficulties were, and the sales mindsets & strategies they used to get to their top. If you've ever had that icky feeling when it come to 'selling' you or your stuff....get some great inspiration here of not only how to sell, but how to think.

  • Feeling P.O.W.E.R. ful!
    December 10, 2018 by The Variety Artist from United States

    Just listened to ep 5. Love the POWER formula. Christine explains it clearly and makes it simple for me to understand. Great podcast!

  • Let’s get better at selling!
    December 9, 2018 by Joeb29 from United States

    Let’s be honest, we can ALL be better at selling. I know I can, and I’ve been studying selling for years! Have a listen if you want to start getting better. I’d recommend it!

  • Inspirational!
    December 8, 2018 by CCarroll1 from United States

    Christine is a joy to listen to and learn from! I am so glad she now has a podcast so I can keep learning from her wisdom on sales, money, mindset, business and more. Great information!

  • You had me at "hi gorgeous!"
    December 8, 2018 by The Chef Rock Xperiment from United States

    Wonderful energy and such valuable insight! Thank you, Christine!

  • Love this podcast!
    December 8, 2018 by Funky Sarica from United States

    Christine does such an incredible job of helping her listeners to find their way with selling with love, from the heart. Her guests offer so much value—looking forward to more interviews!

  • Beautifl Show
    December 8, 2018 by Duffash from United States

    Christine has a wonderful energy. She is a great coach and teacher. I love how she teaches tools for shifting our mindset into creating habits and behaviors that build our success.

  • Christine is Great!
    December 8, 2018 by horsegirldsi from United States

    Have gotten a lot of value out of the first episodes. Christine is a great host!

  • We need more of this...
    December 7, 2018 by Stu Schaefer from United States

    I'm an entrepreneur and I sell every day of my life. It's easy to neglect the heart side of things, but I think it's important to balance that since we're all humans on the same team. Christine does a great job providing really valuable insights!

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Resources in this Episode

55 best questions to break the ice and really get to know someone.

FREE Course: Christine’s Sales Journaling to Success

Join my FREE Heart Sells! Facebook Group and join an amazing community of heart-centered, driven entrepreneurs to connect and receive amazing value on how to sell from your heart and make sales with ease, grace, and confidence.

3 Key Points:

  • Having to address head-on for anyone who’s facing any fears. Just get to the root of it and understand if you are selling something that you truly believe in and you absolutely know that it’s going to help your customer, then it is the haven of you to get out and offer it to them.
  • No matter if a relationship is your natural proclivity or not, it’s essential. That people are the keys to unlock the doors that you’re looking to open. That even if you think it’s, “Oh, it’s this company or it’s this vision.” That’s a human, that’s a person. And if you can’t connect with them, if you can’t meet them at a human level, you’re not going to go very far and more.
  • Sometimes, especially when you are a little bit more on the introvert side, it’s difficult to go out and ask that question. But if you have great examples, it’s easier to start the conversation, to understand that whatever you say, it has important. Just sometimes sharing something feels maybe weird.

Show Notes:

[02:12] I would really love to help people that love what they do, that want to feel connected, that are spiritual and do great things in the world, like coaches, healers, creatives, I would love for them to understand that sales and being spiritual go perfectly together. And my personal point of view you have to sell to make a bigger impact.

[04:26] I think as someone who has always been a seeker and a spiritually inclined person, I never thought about them explicitly in the early years as do these things coexist. I just thought, “How can I be me and be someone with authenticity and integrity, while also selling something?” and so that meant that I had to first and foremost actually believe in the thing that I was selling, and truly believe that it would move the needle for whoever the stakeholder was, that was the audience.

[07:16] I think that people are definitely predisposition to that. However, it doesn’t mean that you can’t become one.

[08:10] If you’re afraid of sales, you have to do the dive of Why. Why are you scared? And keep asking why over and over until you really get to the core of it.

[08:44] If you can’t speak from personal experience, because it’s not a product for you, understand, empathize enough with the customer, and even shadowed enough to understand.

[10:31] I appreciated the noes as much as I appreciated the yeses because the noes at least gave me a stopping point. And either it was a no forever or no for now. And I would clarify, and that would tell me, “Okay, maybe we come back later and the timing is just wrong.”

[10:46] The second you start to identify what’s the real reason that’s holding you back. And then what’s the real reason someone saying yes, no, or maybe the better it is for everyone.

[11:25] You have to be persistent and not bashful enough to say to someone, “I would just love to know you know, Where are you with this? Is this something that you want?”, and give them an opportunity because it’s wasting your time otherwise.

[12:31] Sometimes it’s so simple things that we forgot to mention or they misunderstood and then we can clarify. And sometimes it just not the best timing.

[12:42] I think some of the other things that people mistake is they do so much of their communicating and sales in ways that feel safe to them.

[14:08] I decided that I was only going to grow businesses that really tapped into what I enjoyed and into my strengths. And my strengths are in being curious and asking great questions. My strengths are in building rapport and finding ways to help other people first, which is I think the best way to build relationships. And my strengths are in curating and connecting people.

[16:40] One of the things that people remarked to me when I was in my early 20s, and just starting my sales career was how much they appreciated my candor in those ways.

[19:37] You’re not a fairy godmother. You don’t have to promise to make it happen.

[20:04] Just know that your intention doesn’t have to mean that you wave the magic wand and that everything works out. But this I think is a simple and effective practice to build your relationships, which ultimately are what will cause people to flex their reciprocity reflex, which is not why you do it. It’s not about the manipulation, that people will overtime be like, “What are you working on? How can I help you?”, and that is how the world goes round.

[24:06] This is an introvert’s dream is to ask questions and being great listener, which puts you in a much better place to build a real relationship than someone who’s just talking and talking because people psychologically like to talk and hear about themselves and share.

Transcript:

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Christine Schlonski [0:02]
Hey gorgeous. This is episode number 141.

Darrah Brustein [0:06]
Hi, this is Darrah Brustein, you’re listening to Heart Sells! Podcast with Christine Schlonski. Enjoy.

Christine Schlonski [0:12]
Well, I am so excited to have Darrah Brustein on the show today and we are going to dive deep and how to be you and sell more. What Darrah things about the natural-born salesperson and how you can develop your skills while feeling amazing and making a big, big impact. Darrah stands for entrepreneurial empowerment and she sure has proven it. For the past 10 years, she founded and scaled two businesses and tandem and networking events company serving over 30,000 people and the payment processing company spanning 38 states in the US. Darrah thought leadership articles on lifestyle design have been read by over a million people across Forbes, Entrepreneur and Thrive Global. Her motivating model builds a life of your own design, a career to fund it, and to network to support it has inspired thousands to reach higher and dream bigger. She was named “#1 to follow” by BossBabe Magazine. Most recently, Darrah launched the video series “Diving Deep With Deepak & Darrah” to make deep topics relatable and translatable into your own life. I’m so excited to have Darrah on. Make sure you have a pen and paper. And if you need to go back, you can always re-listen at ttps://christineschlonski.com/. Find the podcast tab with the show notes, the transcripts and all the resources we are sharing. And now enjoy today’s episode how to be you and sell. hey Darrah, so excited to have you on the show today. Welcome.

Darrah Brustein [1:54]
Thank you, Christine. I’m happy to be here.

Christine Schlonski [1:56]
Yeah, I’m so looking forward to our conversation because you have such a spiritual background, that people often say that sales and spirituality just don’t go together. I would really love to help people that love what they do, that want to feel connected, that are spiritual and do great things in the world, like coaches, healers, creatives, I would love for them to understand that sales and being spiritual go perfectly together. And my personal point of view you have to sell to make a bigger impact. But let’s see your thoughts around that. Can you give us a tiny bit of a background, how you discovered that selling and being spiritual goes well together.

Darrah Brustein [2:51]
So, so interesting, very rarely do people actually identify as quickly as you did that I have that background. It’s typically something people think came later. But that’s the interesting thing about public perception is that people know you where they meet you. So thank you for doing that diligence. It’s also interesting because the first time I learned that I liked to sell or could sell anything, had nothing to do with spirituality. It was in college when I was my sororities, recruitment chair. And I suddenly had this idea and this place that I had to sell, so to speak, to thousands of potential prospects. And I found out that I was really good at it.

Christine Schlonski [3:32]
Cool

Darrah Brustein [3:32]
That sparked this light bulb in my head of Oh, selling doesn’t have to look like X, Y, or Z. because growing up, my parents had constantly said to me, “You’re going to be in sales.” And I thought that meant that they only dreamt of me to go work at the Gap and fold sweaters. And I didn’t understand that there were so many facets to sales. So I thought, “Oh, well, I guess that’s what they think specifically I’m going to be doing”, and so when I had this experience at the age of 20 or 21 in college, I started to realize, “Oh, you’re selling ideas. You’re selling concepts. You’re selling so many things.” It’s very Allah, Dan Pink and to sell is human that, you know, when I was single, I was selling myself so to speak, to get someone to want to go on a date, which sounds provocative, I don’t mean it that way. Or I was selling myself to get an upgrade on the airplane or, you know, selling an actual thing. And so, for me, I think as someone who has always been a seeker and a spiritually inclined person, I never thought about them explicitly in the early years as do these things coexist. I just thought, “How can I be me and be someone with authenticity and integrity, while also selling something?” and so that meant that I had to first and foremost actually believe in the thing that I was selling, and truly believe that it would move the needle for whoever the stakeholder was, that was the audience.

Christine Schlonski [4:52]
I just love that. You had so many golden nuggets in that already. That I’m really really excited about that So it’s interesting that your parents always told you you’re going to be in sales. That’s like a self-fulfilling prophecy.

Darrah Brustein [5:07]
Well, they watch me. So I’m a twin. I have two brothers and one of them is my twin brother. And unbeknownst to both of us, we ended up working together. We have a business now that’s 10 years old, and we’ve grown it into 38 states in the US. However, I constantly now reflect back to when we were in elementary school, so probably between the ages of maybe six and 10. And we would get those fundraisers where we’d have to go door to door in our neighborhood, and so wrapping paper and candy and candles, and he hated it. He is the consummate, shy introvert, those are two different things. And he has both of them. And I loved it, I would go door to door leaving him at the end of the driveway and switching our pamphlets so that I would sell for him and then sell for me and then for him and then for me, and it didn’t occur to me at the time what I was doing. I just enjoyed having those conversations with people who would answer the door and thought this was like sweet that some kid was kind of busting their entrepreneurial spirit open and making it happen. But it’s when I looked at little things like that I saw these precursors and cues in my childhood. So when it wasn’t that I was making beaded jewelry in the sun porch of my child at home trying to sell it to my parents friends, or I was a cheerleader in second grade and I would sell candy bars to my mom’s friends at the gym when she was a bodybuilder which talks about a hard audience to sell to. So I had all these moments where I was looking at the traces of what my childhood was displaying to me and realizing I had always been a salesperson. I just never put it together. I didn’t know that that’s what I was doing. And so when I realized that, “Oh, you can have success doing it completely as yourself. Completely in a way that is enjoyable and fun and doesn’t feel tedious”, then I was on board.

Christine Schlonski [6:51]
Wonderful. Do you remember the very, very first thing you ever sold?

Darrah Brustein [6:57]
It was probably that wrapping paper

Christine Schlonski [6:59]
That wrapping paper?

Darrah Brustein [7:01]
Yeah, it was that or those candy bars? There’s probably around the same time.

Christine Schlonski [7:05]
Yeah, I just love that I asked all my guests and we get the best stories out of it. So do you think there is such a natural salesperson? Does it exist?

Darrah Brustein [7:16]
Absolutely. I think that people are definitely predisposition to that. However, it doesn’t mean that you can’t become one. So my twin brother is a great example of this. I said that he was the person who stands to the driveway afraid to talk to anyone. So I sold on his behalf. He then also before we started working together, started a career in sales and did exceptionally well. He just had to find the thing that motivated him and got him sparked to do it and his drivers were different than mine. And at the time, he wasn’t tapping into those, the thing, to whatever the incentives were back then just didn’t interest him enough to get outside of his fear or his reservations. Whereas for me, it wasn’t scary in the first place. So it made it a lot easier.

Christine Schlonski [7:55]
Yeah. When you look at that story, what would you tell an entrepreneur who might be a little bit afraid? What do they need to look for to make sales easier for them?

Darrah Brustein [8:10]
If you’re afraid of sales, you have to do the dive of Why. Why are you scared? And keep asking why over and over until you really get to the core of it. Because typically, it’s limiting beliefs, its insecurities, it’s things like, “I’m not good enough. They’re going to laugh at me. I’m going to fall on my face, it’s embarrassing”, and sometimes it’s the, I don’t know if this product or services actually helpful or is going to impact them positively. If it’s the latter, then you really need to either get deep into the product or service and use it enough to know and speak from personal experience. If you can’t speak from personal experience, because it’s not a product for you. Like for example, I sold several hundred thousand dollar home theater systems at one point in my career, which I personally could not afford at the time. So I had no personal experience with them, but I was able to understand empathize enough with the customer, and even shadowed enough to understand, “What is this helping them with? Why is this beneficial?” Even though I was like, “I could never use this myself and so maybe it’s X, Y, and Z versus the first job official job I had after college where I sold was for a fashion brand, where I sold expensive jeans to boutiques and department stores. In that case, I was the customer. I wore them, I love them, I understood it. I could model them when I was using it like it was a perfect fit. I’ve sold everything in between, but it’s the times when I really didn’t get the product or didn’t really feel aligned or I didn’t believe in the value or something was off where I would retreat and feel that fear. Then other times it was the prior example of me saying, “Well, I don’t know if I can sell this. Or what are they going to think?”, and I was getting in my own way. And the second I shifted my mindset from it being about me, which this goes with everything not just about sales, but from it not being about me to it being about me hampering the impact it could make on them if I didn’t give them an opportunity to access this thing. That was sort of level moment for me that I sort of started saying myself, “You’re stealing from people. If you don’t give them this opportunity to say yes or no.” And then I also de-personalized it because if someone said no, that had nothing to do with me, it just meant it wasn’t a fit for them. Or maybe I didn’t explain it in the best way possible. And that was okay, too. Because the other thing I came to realize was I appreciated the noes as much as I appreciated the yeses because the noes at least gave me a stopping point. And either it was a no forever or no for now. And I would clarify, and that would tell me, “Okay, maybe we come back later and the timing is just wrong.” And the second you start to identify what’s the real reason that’s holding you back. And then what’s the real reason someone saying yes, no, or maybe the better it is for everyone. And so I, for example, we were talking before we got on here about Atlanta, where I live. Which is in the south in the US. I’m not from here. I’m from the northeast, and in the northeast, people are generally very direct. They’ll give you a no or a yes very effortlessly. In the south, it’s different. People joke it’s blessed your heart culture, which basically means, “Oh, screw off, but I don’t want to say it to you”, or they’ll just give you, “Okay, thanks. Great. Send me information. Let’s talk about it later.” Because they’re afraid to say no, or they don’t want to hurt your feelings. You have to be persistent and not bashful enough to say to someone, “I would just love to know you know, Where are you with this? Is this something that you want?”, and give them an opportunity because it’s wasting your time otherwise. Having to address head-on for anyone who’s facing any fears. Just get to the root of it and understand if you are selling something that you truly believe in and you absolutely know that it’s going to help your customer, then it is the haven of you to get out and offer it to them.

Christine Schlonski [11:55]
Yeah, I totally agree and especially when you get those maybes, they drain your energy. I think that’s very important. You carry them with you, yet that person said maybe and maybe it’s a yes. This really takes off the other conversations you can have. Because your focus is not 100% in the other conversation. So I’m a huge fan of getting a clear yes or no. So that both people know where the journey goes. And if it’s a no, obviously, you want to know why. Sometimes it’s so simple things that we forgot to mention or they misunderstood and then we can clarify. And sometimes it just not the best timing. I totally agree.

Darrah Brustein [12:41]
Absolutely and I think some of the other things that people mistake is they do so much of their communicating and sales in ways that feel safe to them. So they’ll text or they’ll email, but they won’t get face to face or they won’t get on a phone call. And the statistic, I think this came from the Virgin Group, it’s something like 84% percent of transactions occurs in face to face environments. And obviously, there are all sorts of things people sell. And there are evergreen products, there’s e-commerce, there’s a lot of ways that you can sell without that being the case. But really, it just often comes back down to what’s the fear. Are you only transacting in certain ways because you’re afraid of the interaction, or you’re afraid to learn the lesson or you’re afraid to hear the no. And if that’s the case, it’s like anything that the more you do something, the less daunting it feels, and the more normal and used to it gets. And you can then look back with perspective and think, “Well, that actually wasn’t that bad. And now this is old hat, so I’m not afraid anymore.”

Christine Schlonski [13:39]
Yeah, I totally agree. So basically, at the end of the day, it does come down to relationships.

Darrah Brustein [13:45]
100%.

Christine Schlonski [13:47]
Yeah.

Darrah Brustein [13:48]
I’m such a proponent of this. I built my career. I built my 38 state company. I built another company that serves 30,000 people, wrote a children’s book on financial literacy. I did all of these things and sold all of it through relationships. I was never one who enjoyed cold calling. I never enjoyed the door to door sales, I’ll be in my childhood. I decided that I was only going to grow businesses that really tapped into what I enjoyed and into my strengths. And my strengths are in being curious and asking great questions. My strengths are in building rapport and finding ways to help other people first, which is I think the best way to build relationships. And my strengths are in curating and connecting people. So I also built a networking events organization, that not only helps everyone within that, that 30,000 people to connect with each other and expand their aims. But it also helped me grow a pipeline into my primary business and grow a side income. I found ways to leverage the things that I was naturally gifted at, but also realize that no matter if a relationship is your natural proclivity or not, it’s essential. That people are the keys to unlock the doors that you’re looking to open that even if you think it’s, “Oh, it’s this company or it’s this vision.” That’s a human, that’s a person. And if you can’t connect with them, if you can’t meet them at a human level, that you’re not going to go very far and more. So we often think of people in these strategic or transactional ways, which I think until you can look at people as relationships, not as transactions and as long term not as short term, you’re going to get the equation wrong, because, “Maybe Christine’s in a position right now as the procurement manager at XYZ company. And we have a relationship or we don’t, but whatever happens, I only treat it like that. And then she moves to another company, and suddenly she’s my entry point again.” That’s how the world works. And she also knows people and talks to her peers in her industry, and she can refer and recommend and so until you’re the type of person who’s willing to build relationships and who’s willing to do it from a giving centric lens, you’re always going to be handicapping yourself.

Christine Schlonski [15:51]
Yeah, I love that you pointed out the giving first. I think that’s so essential. Even if you cold call, you have to start a relationship somewhere. And it starts with the first conversation. So a cold call is also like an entry, to have that conversation, to be curious about the other person on the line, to learn about them, to find out what they need, and hopefully give it to them. So at some point, there will be a sale somewhere or a referral or an introduction.

Darrah Brustein [16:25]
Well, something you said in there is really important, which is, they express their need or their problem, and you hopefully give it to them. The counterpoint to that is when they express their need, and it doesn’t align with what you have, that you are honest about that. One of the things that people remarked to me when I was in my early 20s, and just starting my sales career was how much they appreciated my candor in those ways when I would say, “You know what, this actually isn’t a fit for you. And here’s an option that you might want to look into that I’m actually not affiliated with.” The people remember that and that’s where you begin to build the trust and rapport that creates a sustainable long term relationship. So while it might feel like a loss for you at that moment, it’s going to be a bigger loss if you push someone into something that’s not actually aligned for them, and that energy stays with you too, and you’re going to feel crappy about it. So that’s not the way but I also want to share an exercise that I think is a really simple and powerful way to build a giving centric network. And just challenge yourself. And so I call it, the give it forward challenge. I typically ask people to do it for 30 days, but start with as much or as little as works for you. And it’s very simple. You go into each day, intentionally asking one person, “How can I be of service to you in some way today with no strings attached?” And typically, you need to prompt them a little more, because often they feel hesitant and wonder, are there actually strings attached and what are you doing? And it can be as simple as saying, “Hey, Christine, I’ve committed to myself for 30 days to give it forward to one person a day and today you’re the person I’d really like to do that for. I promise you, there are no strings attached. And actually, if you ask me what you can do for me, I’m going to tell you nothing. If you want to do something, you can give it forward to someone else. But what’s something you’re challenged by right now what’s a goal you have, or what’s a specific thing that you’re working on that maybe I can help move the ball forward for you.” And when I’ve done this many, many times, over and in community with hundreds of others, I have found so many wonderful things. One, it helps you deepen the relationship with the person that you’re talking to or kickstarted in the first place. It allows you then to circle back to other members of your community and your network. Because often they’re the person that you’re going to connect and do that three-way introduction, to help the first person get their names advanced, which benefits everyone. It also helps you take better stock and take less for granted what you have to offer in the first place. Because I think we often think, “Well, yeah, it’s great to want to be helpful, but what do I have to offer?” You’ll come to find that these things are often much easier and much quicker wins than you even expected in the first place. And then lastly, it’s really fun. I end up feeling some of the happiest times ever when I am actively in one of these practices. Because I think it was Turow who said this, and I’m going to butcher the quote, but something along the lines of, “It’s this funny occurrence that when we do for others we’re actually doing for ourselves. And that’s completely wrong. But that’s the essence of his quote. And it’s fascinating because we do it to do it for others and get out of our own minds and our own BS, but then we end up feeling so wonderful as a byproduct. So I’d say, do this for yourself. And don’t do it passively. Because you know, Christine, and I know that we are both people who grew up passively open and willing to help people but there is a difference when you enter your day thinking, “Who is that person today? How am I going to help them?”, and then setting out to do it and the other kind of caveat or Asterix here is, you’re not a fairy godmother. You don’t have to promise to make it happen. I’ve had people ask me for things like, “Hey, I want to play on Augusta National where the masters are played. Can you get me on?” I spent three months trying to get this gentleman on that course and I failed massively because that isn’t next to impossible ask for a non-member. However, when I came back to this guy, Sean, he said to me, “No one has ever gone out of their way to help me with something. I will never forget that”, and our friendship has forever been deepened because of it. So just know that your intention doesn’t have to mean that you wave the magic wand and that everything works out. But this I think is a simple and effective practice to build your relationships, which ultimately are what will cause people to flex their reciprocity reflex, which is not why you do it. It’s not about the manipulation, that people will overtime be like, “What are you working on? How can I help you?”, and that is how the world goes round. For anyone, it has probably been talked about 100 times on your podcast. But if you have not read Adam Grant’s book, Give and Take, this put scientific evidence to the anecdote that I am talking about.

Christine Schlonski [20:40]
I just love it. I’m such a big fan of the book, The Go-Giver, Bob Burg, and John David Mann. It’s about giving first and it gave me permission when I was in sales in the corporate world and you know, you were pushed your high paced environment, lots of stress, you need to meet your numbers and all of that. And once I read the book and gave myself permission to just be who I am, and if the person didn’t like me on the phone, that was totally fine with me. And if I could help them otherwise, it was a connection with something like an introduction, I would just start doing that. And it totally changed everything for me. So I just love that you pointed that out. And you brought something with you today that I love, 55 best questions to break the ice and really get to know someone. So for people to actually exercise, have great questions, because sometimes, especially when you are a little bit more on the introvert side, it’s difficult to go out and ask that question. But if you have great examples, it’s easier to start the conversation, to understand that whatever you say, it has important. Just sometimes sharing something feels maybe weird. When I talked about like The Go-Giver book and I started to open up, I also started to just share, like, maybe random stuff, where earlier I believe that doesn’t have any impact. Who would love to know that I have two dogs and four cats, nobody cares. So I would never mention those things. But it was so good for the conversations. Not that I mentioned it in every conversation, but just saying something about me. And sharing something of my experience made such a deep difference in the connection.

Darrah Brustein [22:41]
Yeah, you found a way to immediately build rapport. So anytime you talk about pets and animals or family, or what people are excited about right now or things that light them up a bit, and get you to find a way to back into knowing them where you’re not starting with one of my two least favorite questions on the planet. The first being, what do you do? Because I think it is so limiting and people feel sized up and like you’re just trying to get something out of them. Even though, I understand that it’s sort of like the present days, how’s the weather, where you’re simply just trying to start somewhere and you think, Well, everyone probably does something. So let’s start.” I think sharing or in your case asking some of these icebreaker questions which are free and I’m happy to offer them to your audience and they’ve been downloaded over 1.3 million times. Because people are seeking these ways to connect more genuinely and authentically. I break them down into mild, medium and hot. So you can determine and ascertain based on your demeanor and based on the environment you’re in and where you are in this conversation. What feels natural to you and it can be anything from as simple as, “What brought you here to this event?”, just so you can begin to understand what motivated someone to be here and how do you start to almost sleuth out. How can I then find ways to be useful or just listen to this person not be thinking ahead about, “What do I get to say next? And what’s it about me?”, and this is honed. I’m an advert myself which is equal parts extroverted- an introvert. So I get were introverts are coming from. And this is an introvert dream is to ask questions and being great listener, which puts you in a much better place to build a real relationship than someone who’s just talking and talking because people psychologically like to talk and hear about themselves and share. So when you leave a conversation where you’ve asked someone a lot of thoughtful questions, not in like, I’m interviewing you way, but I asked one, I listen, I asked a follow up related to that, and we go and go and in there I pepper in things about myself and moments where I find, “Oh, you’re also born in Philadelphia. Me too. That’s so cool. Tell me about your childhood there.” You find these cues. And that’s when people remember you. And that’s where real relationships begin. But when you look at a kickstart and an icebreaker as, “How do I immediately sell you something?”, you’ve already lost. You have to be patient. And so these questions I think are really helpful to have a couple in your pocket and another easy one is, “What’s something you’ve read lately that you really liked?”, because that can just come from a place of you’re looking for something to read, they can tell you about it. Who cares if you don’t have the same taste, it gives you a window into what matters to this person. And then they go much deeper than that, like, “What’s something you say that you want to do, but you know, that you never will and beyond?”, and so, you keep a couple of these in your mind’s eyes so that when you have those moments of, “Well, here’s an opportunity to go deeper with someone or to kickstart relationship that you’re ready.”

Christine Schlonski [25:30]
Yeah, just love it. So people can go to https://darrah.co/ and obviously, I will have all of your links and this wonderful gift in the show notes. And just to leave us off, what would be like a hot question to ask one so that people can take note of finishing up this wonderful episode?

Darrah Brustein [25:50]
What’s something you’re grateful for right now?

Christine Schlonski [25:53]
Well, I just love this interview is she’s such a powerhouse so confident and she knows that when she tunes in to what she loves, she will just sell so much more. And I hope that happens for you too. That you really get clear about what you love, why you love the product or service that you’re selling and then you are just offering it to the world. With the next interview, we are going to go even deeper. And we are going to talk to shift from selling to sharing so that you can get rid of your internal blocks of shifting your belief system into a sale success mindset. Also, hop on over to https://christineschlonski.com/. Find the podcast tab and find the show notes, the transcript, all the resources we are sharing and my invitation to you to sign up for the Sales Journaling to Success. This is the online course that I am offering free right now to all my heart sellers and to people who really want to make that shift from a sales mindset to a sales success mindset. So hop on over to https://christineschlonski.com/ find the podcast tab and just sign up. I take you on a 30-day journey where we will make huge progress in your belief system, shifting you into a sales success mindset where you sell with ease, grace and confidence and most importantly, you have fun on your journey. Thank you so much for tuning in. Have a wonderful day wherever you are in this beautiful world. and tune in soon. Bye for now.

 

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