Resources in this Episode

Christine Schlonski [0:02]
Hi Gorgeous. This is episode number 136.

Melanie Benson [0:04]
I’m Melanie Benson, you are listening to Heart Sells! Podcast with Christine Schlonski. Enjoy.

Christine Schlonski [0:12]
Well, I’m so looking forward to having Melanie back on the show with her over 15 years of experience in mentoring high achieving game changes. Melanie is an optimizer. She has a gift for guiding fast-paced mission-driven entrepreneurs to thrive as they emerge as leaders in their business and in their industry. To do so, you really have to set bold goals. The beauty of it is, when you do, you will do anything to move forward to achieve those goals. Even if you fail, you’re better off than you are before. So today we are talking about not enrolling in other people’s obstacles, which is a really, really interesting topic. I’m really excited to dive in deep. Enjoy your next episode with Melanie Benson. Well, I’m so excited to have you back on the show, Melanie, welcome.

Melanie Benson [1:07]
Thank you. Oh, my god, it’s so much fun in the last episode. It was good.

Christine Schlonski [1:12]
I know I love love, love the challenge. I sat down and I took some notes. I have to say it’s really interesting because I have a couple of things that are just lining up. Now I’m going to take the next step. One of them is definitely still the lose a little bit of weight kind of thing. Well, I’m not 100% committed yet, but I have a plan.

Melanie Benson [1:40]
So we’re gonna have to get committed together. How’s that?

Christine Schlonski [1:44]
Yeah, that sounds good. Everybody who wants to join in the audience. Yeah, maybe I should create a post so people can comment on it and we can all cheer each other on that would be kind of cool. Awesome. Yeah, I love the big, bolg goals topic because I feel it’s so important. You said something that made me thinking after the last interview, “If you just have that goal, already thinking about the goal makes you a different person.” I find that so powerful. I’ve never actually seen it like this. I knew I had to become the person who could actually make that goal come true or have that goal, or whatever it is. But just thinking about it sets you off on that path. That’s so true.

Melanie Benson [2:34]
Yeah, I call it the magic of a bold goal. I think sometimes magic is a word that may make people uncomfortable at times because especially if you’re very logic-driven, but I believe that when you set bold goals, and you allow the process to work, things that you can never plan on happening to accelerate your results. It’s just like, you can’t know everything, that’s fine. Well, you can’t know all the resources that are available to Intel you’re all and I love that. W.H. Murray’s quote is one of my guiding principles on this planet. I was introduced to it about 23 years old when I was super miserable. A friend of mine like, “I have to teach you how to think differently.” It really did, it set to stay with me forever. It’s like, once a commitment is made rrovidence moves too. Until then, you know, we’re hesitant, we’re going to come up with excuses. We’ll talk ourselves out of things. Just like the example I gave on the last episode about you know like I was a little bit hesitant about climbing this really crazy mountain towards the waterfall. And but then when I was committed, I was all in nothing was going to stop me. And I think that’s what’s missing sometimes.

Christine Schlonski [3:43]
Yeah, and you know, just to come back to also to the sales topic. I had an episode not that long ago, we talked about sales depression. You can’t even take the phone. The phone feels too big, too heavy. Once you get over it, and you have had just one good conversation, it really pulls you out of that funk. It gives you energy, but if you don’t do it, you will never ever know. The next person could be the one being your new best client, giving you the greatest testimonial receiving the biggest results with what you offer. By not calling or you mentioned in the earlier episode by not following up, you can’t make it happen. You don’t give them the space to grow. I feel it’s also kind of a responsibility kind of thing. Because it’s not just fear if you’re not there for them, it’s not going to work.

Melanie Benson [4:47]
There are so many things wrapped up in this for me. First of all, I’ve been that person that has had to face my own fear of selling many times. I love this phrase of sales depression because I’ve definitely fallen into it. But I realized every single time I broke through that it was because I was willing to make a bold move. So bold goals are setting the goal. Bold moves are when you literally you do something that’s terrifying, and you do it because you know, you have to break free of that paralyzed state. I hit a time, probably around 2009 when I was in that paralysis again. I was kind of tied into I didn’t really know who I wanted to be anymore as a little burned down, the things I had been doing up to that point kind of stopped working. I had to make some bold moves. I had to like to shake things up. I literally started to do a campaign. I just got clarity on something. I started offering it to my community at it first, I had a lot of no’s. So it started to weigh on me. Here’s when I had it my biggest breakthrough is when one of the people I was talking to she said, “I just don’t have the money for this. And let me tell you, I was already like” because I was in a paralyzed state, I’m like, “I’ll just do like, breakthrough levels of. The offer is going to be the lowest thing I’ve ever done in my life”, which I do not recommend, do not do that ever. But she gave me a gift. She said, “That’s too expensive.” I’m like, “So expensive? It’s like nothing.” Then I watched her six weeks later post that she had hired someone that I knew was charging like four or five times what I had offered to her. I’m like, “Aha, I let her off the hook. I did not do my job as the coach and the salesperson. I did not hold space for her breakthrough. I bought into her fear.” It was such a monumental moment for me because I am a coach. I do lead with my supporting self. But I also got three or four opportunities in my career to learn the value of a sale system. If you don’t have a sale system, it’s very easy to let other people’s obstacles become your fear. You let fear dictate what you do next. It’s not good for you, and it’s not good for them.

Christine Schlonski [7:08]
Yeah, and I have seen that over and over. Like with all the sales experience, I was able to together. I don’t remember who said that. But it was really profound and it stuck with me, “Each interaction, there is a sale made”, it’s either you made the sale or the person sold to you. Like she sold you the idea that she didn’t have the money, you believed it. So you let her off the hook. It could have been the other way around that she would have organized, whatever she needed to organize, to be able to get to your services and to work with you, then you would have sold her. So whatever it is, and it could be like you kids are not going to bed on time, or they don’t do their homework or they do. It is a sale, we are selling all day long, but we’re just not aware of it.

Melanie Benson [8:00]
I like to call it we’re either enrolling people in and getting what they want, or we’re allowing their obstacles that were enrolled in their obstacles. So I love that we have the power to enroll people in getting what they want. If it’s a good fit, you can be the person that helps them get there.

Christine Schlonski [8:20]
Yeah, oh, I totally agree. For me, it’s like, it needs to be the perfect fit. Otherwise, both parties are not getting out of it what they could be. So I always make sure especially if it’s one on one that I have my so-called soul mate clients. That will put a big smile on my face when I see their appointment coming through to my calendar, or like in the session, after the session, before, it’s just so much fun. If I wouldn’t want them to join me at dinner, then they might not be the perfect person. I think then both parties are better off finding somebody else. I’m always happy to recommend other resources if I feel like, I don’t even want to take on that job, it would feel heavy. So you said something with your bold goal challenge that I like. Just having the idea makes you another person and then finding ways to or to prioritize. That what we value most that we put the time in while if we are not really committed just interested, it kind stays on the to-do list. I just queued up my to-do list like a week ago. It was like, “Oh, come on. It’s been on there too long. So just forget it. Just go with something that excites me.” What was the very first thing that you have ever sold in your life?

Melanie Benson [9:51]
Honestly, it was way before I ever was a business owner. I was seven years old and I sold the neighborhood kids on the vision of putting on a Jerry Lewis Carnival with me. Because I had a vision of getting on the TV show like there was a reward that they were trying to inspire the kids and in our community. I lived in Phoenix, Arizona at the time, they were inspiring the kids to be involved in charity and fundraising. And I wanted to do that. I wanted to make a difference. But I also wanted to be on TV. Driving force. So I sold them and my family and everybody I talked to on coming and participating or volunteering at this event so we could all raise this money and I could win and I did, I won, I won the spot on the TV show. But you know, it taught me something very valuable. First of all, I was labeled as bossy, which we now know is leadership. I was committed to leading and inspiring others to get to outcomes that I believe were a win-win for all of us. I think that that was a skill that when I really embraced it and seeing it as a bad thing, because you know, a lot of people were uncomfortable with that. I probably didn’t have the best approach at that time. But you know, when you lean into those natural parts of you, and you lean into the part of you that already is enrolling people in the vision or in the outcome, you are unstoppable. So I use that over and over and over again in my business when I really learned how to hold space for people to make those decisions. By the way, Christine, this will make you laugh. I don’t think I’ve ever told you this. I was the person when I started my business that had this belief that if you build it, they will come. I was absolutely not selling anyone to anyone. It was slimy, it was icky. Like I had all this stuff around it. I’m like, “I am not doing that.” I eventually realized like, that is the path to being broke and stuck, which I was. It was me shifting and valuing the profitability and the prosperity part of a business that changed my outcome. I literally within nine months of having my own mindset shift. I went from being stuck at $1,000 a month, which I was working very hard for, to breaking six figures. Because I was willing to do things I had been unwilling to do. I went from being interested to commit.

Christine Schlonski [12:24]
I love it. Well, thank you so much for sharing that. What was it that got you out of it? What was there like a defining moment or I don’t know, a coach, a program like what was it that actually moved you because I know so many listeners are, well, hopefully not exactly what you just described a little bit better off, but they still have that struggle? They love what they do, but you know, they expect people to come instead of making invitations.

Melanie Benson [12:55]
Yeah, um, for me, it was it kind of a two-part thing. The first part was, I went through a training program. It’s similar to what I teach in my business now, where I had to learn how to think really different because I was trained to be an employee.

Christine Schlonski [13:11]
Yeah.

Melanie Benson [13:12]
And that was the way I thought like an employee would think inside my business, which meant I was also working like 80 hours a week. Then when I went through that program, I realized I had to be willing to do some things differently. I realized that one common trait of people who consistently made high six and seven figures, which was what my goal was, was, they had leverage. So then I started to look at, like, “What would leverage look like for me?”, so I implemented a group coaching program, and I hired help. I kind of look at it as the one-two punch, like I had to change my thinking to be willing to see that as the next step. Then when I was like, “All right, well, what’s it going to take?” When I was all in, I was like, “Well, this is what successful people do. I did it.” I didn’t like I was afraid. But I didn’t let fear make the decision. Because if I had it wouldn’t have done it because I didn’t know how to afford it or how to do any of it. But I said, “All right, so what’s the next step? What’s the next step? What’s the next step?”, and that’s how I ended up like being places, meeting people that opened up these fortuitous, magical connections, that if I hadn’t just followed the next step I would have missed.

Christine Schlonski [14:28]
Yeah, and I love that. And it’s like you’ve started the journey. You were committed and doors were opening. Some doors probably were closed. But that’s life. If you don’t do anything, if you sit on your couch, well then, you know,

Melanie Benson [14:45]
Or if you let fear define it. Like maybe, can we talk about fear for a minute?

Christine Schlonski [14:50]
Yeah, I would love to.

Melanie Benson [14:50]
Because so big, and whatever role you’re in, in life, fear is one of those things where if we believe fear long enough, then we buy into the fear. Then we let our decisions be shaped by fear. And trust me, I know this one really intimately because I’ve faced fear many times, many, many, many times. I was programmed, you know, as a child around fear. And so fear was like a natural reaction to things for me. I really had to start pulling apart like, “What’s fear? And what’s the part of me that just knows this isn’t right?” Many, many times it was just fear. Fear was bigger than my commitment. This is another really important piece of this puzzle is, are you letting fear be bigger than your commitment? Because you will talk yourself out of anything if it is.

Christine Schlonski [15:46]
Oh, yeah, totally. I totally agree. So two questions on that one. The first one, how do you make the difference of if it’s fear or if it’s, if you already know deep inside, it’s not good for you? The second one, how do you keep people that are programmed for fear, but let’s say they are part of your family so you cannot just delete the phone number and hide of everything, how can you protect yourself because they bring fear naturally with them because they always worry about you?

Melanie Benson [16:25]
Oh, boy, you’re going deep, aren’t you? Okay, so the first question, let me get that one was just quick, a quick synopsis of the first part of the question, they are very connected to the second.

Christine Schlonski [16:39]
Sorry. Yeah. The difference between fear and the deep knowing that it’s not good for you to do whatever it is.

Melanie Benson [16:50]
I think this is a muscle we all have to build ourselves. What’s fear for me, maybe intuition for you. We have had to know for ourselves, it’s very hard to ask for advice. When my clients come to me, I do not give them advice. I teach them how to build this muscle for themselves. So I think part of it is energy. Is this idea expansive, exciting and inspiring to you? Or are you like, do you think it’s like the worst idea on the planet and the idea of being at the end of it, and having that be your reality feels like you would be in jail? Like, does it feel like a prison to you? Digging a little bit deeper into that if it feels bad, and it’s constricting you and it feels oppressive you have to ask yourself, “Is there anything that would shift about the goal?” Because if it’s something you think, like, “This should be something I want”, you have to ask yourself, “Is there anything about that I could shift in the way I would achieve it, that would allow it to feel exciting and inspiring?” So for some people the idea of growing their business to double it or triple it feel scary because the way they’ve done it up to now is overwhelming. So they’re going to see that it is like, “Yeah, that just feels very constrictive. I feel like I might as well like cut off my arms.” I don’t want that. But if we say, “Well, is there a way you could get there?” and it would feel exciting. They’re like, “Yeah, well, if I didn’t have to do a, b, and c”, so that’s where leverage comes in. That’s where delegating or building a team or looking at how to redesign the model. So that’s one way. It’s literally about what is the message you’re giving yourself about it? If you really want this thing, but you’re shutting down and you’re not doing it, you have to ask yourself. Why do you really want it? Is it truly aligned with your values or is it a big should, you think you should do it? I’ve actually had to unravel several goals over the years because it was actually somebody else’s dream that I just stepped into. And the give yourself permission ago, that’s not really where I want to go. And that’s okay, they’d be willing to let go, all of those should to make room for what really does become that magnet that pulls you forward in the world. Now, do you want me to tackle number two, are you want to say anything before I move on?

Christine Schlonski [19:12]
No, it was so profound. I love that. Yeah, let’s check on number two before we wrap up because I think that is something a lot of people have a challenge with. And I mean, I’m still challenged. Sometimes more, sometimes less. But it’s definitely something that I feel would be good advice for all the listeners.

Melanie Benson [19:37]
Yeah. So I think there are two ways of shows up for people. One is, you have chronically negative family or friends that you are like you said, you’re not going to not be with them. So you have to figure out how to manage yourself. Then there are the people who truly care about you and they’re afraid because they see where you’re at right now. What they’re really saying is they’re afraid because they don’t share your values. I’m going to tackle the first one because of the other one’s kind of a bigger conversation. But let me just say that when you get really good at understanding your values, and the other people’s values, you can actually enroll them, a.k.a. sell them on your process, but you have to get to shared values. And that’s, that’s part of how I teach in my programs is how do you really connect with people there, but let’s just talk about chronically negative people. There are a couple of things, one of them is kind of funny. I believe that energy is in all of us and we have to be responsible for our own energy and that we can actually manage other people’s energies when they’re not compatible with ours. And one of those is like, we kind of have to do what’s called shield work. We have to put up imaginary shields. One of the ways I was taught to do this was by putting on what I call the community condom. So think about it, a condom lets the good stuff in case of the bad stuff out. It’s kind of a funny metaphor, my client’s role in laughter when I suggested to them, but it really works. I worked with several very well known speakers over the years who are like, “Oh, my God, I’m so overwhelmed with all this energy coming at me and these toxic people that are trying to like get all of the stuff they can out of me when I come on stage.” I would teach it to them and they come back to me later, and they’re like, “Oh, my god, that was brilliant. I can actually connect with someone and like, have a conversation and then disconnect and walk away without feeling so drained.” I think we’re dealing with chronically negative people, we have to remember that they’re fear-based. We’re operating in a different space and we can make requests, like we can say things like, “So this conversation doesn’t feel supportive to me.” If they can’t hear that, we can say, you can actually just stop talking to them, about those particular subjects. I had a woman who, really wanted to get her business off the ground, but she was spent time with her parents. They were in so much fear that they would literally just destroy her morale. I taught her how to say, “I know you love me, and you’re trying to support me, but this isn’t helpful. So I prefer not to talk about anymore.” and then put the community condom on.

Christine Schlonski [22:30]
Yeah, you have such wonderful gifts for us where people can actually go to a questionnaire to get clarity on where they might be stuck. Then you even offer your book, which is amazing. Thank you so much. Let us know where people can go and find you.

Melanie Benson [22:47]
Yeah. The link is http://melaniebenson.com/heartsells I know you’ll put that in the show notes. And what it is, it’s called your hidden profit trains. It’s a series about seven questions that I’ll ask you to help you uncover what is really in the way of you achieving your goals, your financial success, you know, really taking things to the next level. And once you know, it may be a combination. So there’s, there’s always the, it’s several things. Once you know what’s really you know, is there a mindset is our belief is our habit, then we can start to construct a path of the right mindset that will support you of shattering the beliefs that are holding you back, of creating habits that will help propel you instead of holds you back or hold you hostage where you are right now. And then, of course, my book, Rewired for Wealth, a gift to you. Once you take the quiz, so you can go a little bit deeper with all of it.

Christine Schlonski [23:45]
Awesome, awesome. Well, thank you so so much. I love this conversation. And I’m trying to figure out how I can get the next one.

Melanie Benson [23:54]
We do part three.

Christine Schlonski [23:57]
I think you deliver so much value. Having these bold goals. Starting to dream again was for me like a game-changer. And as you said in the episode before, most people are trained for being an employee. So once when you start your business, you probably think like an employee because you haven’t been retrained. Your boss is not going to retrain you to be an, you know, an entrepreneur. So, like, finding these ways would be really, really wonderful.

Melanie Benson [24:33]
Yeah, let’s train ourselves to be what we want to be not what we were before and we can do that. There are tools out there. I know you have tools, I have tools. But you have to say yes to that. You have to be committed.

Christine Schlonski [24:47]
Yes. You have to say yes to yourself. Otherwise, it’s not working.

Melanie Benson [24:50]
Say yes to success. Oh, my gosh, that was really bad. Sorry.

Christine Schlonski [24:56]
I always love to say like, follow your heart.

Melanie Benson [25:00]
Yeah.

Melanie Benson [25:01]
Because it knows, it knows what you want to do, it knows what puts a smile on your face and makes it sing. When you are in this energy, in this frequency, things will be so much easier. Sometimes you have to overcome the challenge and leave the fear behind. So that’s what it takes,

Melanie Benson [25:20]
At least understand what fears trying to reveal to you.

Christine Schlonski [25:23]
Yes. Awesome. Well, thank you so, so much for having been on Heart Sells! And yeah, can’t wait for our next conversation.

Melanie Benson [25:31]
Me too.

Melanie Benson [25:32]
Thank you. Well, I guess now we are all clear on how to set the bold goal, how the money game works, and also that we shouldn’t be enrolled in other people’s obstacles. I really had fun with Melanie, I hope you too and you took away some really great golden nuggets that you can use in your business, in your life. Hop on over to https://christineschlonski.com/ Find the podcast tab, find Melanie’s episode, and have the show notes, all the resources and links that lead to her was just one click. While you’re over there, benefit from the free course I’m offering you right now. It’s called, Sales Journaling to Success. You get one sales journal and prompt each and every day for 30 days with some ideas around it and some experience around it. Basically, it’s what I used to make millions in sales. I’m sharing this in this free course to support you, to get your message, your services, your products to the world because the world needs that very special gift that you have. It’s basically your obligation to give it to the people who really need it. I know that’s why you are here. So hop on over to https://christineschlonski.com/ and sign in for the free course. Let me know how that works, how it shifted your mindset from a sales mindset to a sales success mindset. Thank you so much for being here for tuning in. and have a wonderful day wherever you are in this beautiful world.