Resources in this Episode:

Christine Schlonski [0:02]
Hi Gorgeous. This is episode number 079. I am so excited to have the wonderful, RaShawn Renée, back on the show.

RaShawn Renée [0:10]
Hello, everyone, it’s, RaShawn Renée, and I’m here with the magnificent, Christine Schlonski, with Heart Sells! Podcast. We are so happy you’re here. Yay.

Christine Schlonski [0:25]
I’m so excited that, RaShawn, is back on the show today. We had such a great conversation about, self-honoring choices. Today, we are even going to go deeper. Why it is so important that you stay in your truth, and how this will actually make a big impact and effect on your business? Before we start into the episode, I would love to invite you to sign up for the empowerment notes. This is basically my weekly love note to my tribe, where I share the latest podcast news. We also share things that are moving and shaking me and my life, what I have learned, and some really, really great advice that will help you to be empowered. Let’s dive into the next episode this, RaShawn Renée, who’s on a mission to reach 111 million people. When that happens, she says the number increases exponentially. Then there will be a shift in awareness in which learning our real truth and living powerfully will become the global parodic min, and a life of delight will be our constitution for living. I just love that. Who doesn’t want a life of delight? RaShawn is the author of, 44 Hours & 21 Minutes, a woman’s truth and power and I just loved it the book. I highly recommend you checking it out. If you have anything in your life where you might be neglecting your decisions to please someone or to think that by doing it you will be liked or loved more. RaShawn is also the co-author of, Notes to My Younger Self of Volume Two, and the founder of, Real Truth International. She is a communicator of the personal development process that can uncoils life and create your life of delight, the life you are meant to live. Let’s dive right in. Well, I am so super excited to have, RaShawn, back today for the second interview. Welcome to Heart Sells!

RaShawn Renée [2:47]
Thank you, Christine, I’m so happy to be here for part two, I so enjoy part one, I couldn’t wait to be back.

Christine Schlonski [2:53]
Yeah, me too, and you shared such a deep knowledge and an understanding and you are the truth of how people can make sales for so much more ease by being who they truly are at their core, by making those self-honoring choices. If you haven’t listened, Gorgeous, make sure you tune into the episode before and you take that wisdom in. Today we’re going to continue our wonderful conversation. I would be really interested to figuring out. What was the first thing that you ever sold?

RaShawn Renée [3:38]
Homes. That was the first thing I ever sold.

Christine Schlonski [3:44]
Do you remember the very first sale you’ve made?

RaShawn Renée [3:49]
I do.

Christine Schlonski [3:51]
How did it feel?

RaShawn Renée [3:53]
Actually, I just drove by it not so long ago.

Christine Schlonski [3:56]
Oh, wonderful. How did it make you feel?

RaShawn Renée [4:03]
I felt powerful. I felt like I could do anything. That’s how I felt. What was amazing about that, is, I really do mean amazing. I didn’t know anything about anything. I said, “I’m going to go into real estate, that’s what I’m going to do, I’m going to be really great at it.” In the other interview, remember I said that ” At a certain point, you can just take all the steps, you can have success. You don’t have to know anything about yourself, you just take the steps and success will happen”, it just, it doesn’t have any longevity. I did the first sale, not knowing anything about anything. It was referred to me by a friend and did a really great job. I was so pleased because I felt like I was giving the people that bought the house and the people that sold the house their dream. It was everything to me. Fast forward, after that sale. Not very much happened because I really did not know what I was doing at all. When I said in the previous interview that I would go up and I would go down, I would go up and I would go down and I was like, “Am I really supposed to be doing this?” Then, I’ll just be a consultant and out refer people for sales and purchases. It would always do that, up and down, up and down, up and down. I didn’t have any consistency, until I really learned, Me. When I learned, Me, the consistency and the elevation started really happening.

Christine Schlonski [6:17]
What would you recommend to a person that’s listening right now and they think, “Okay, well, I can do that. I’ve heard it in different ways and forms. I need to trust, and I need to follow that inner guidance. Then things will start to become better”? They are on that while climbing the mountain so to speak. Now they get intrigued, and they make a choice that might not be self-honoring. Can you talk a little bit about the effects that this will have?

RaShawn Renée [6:56]
Oh, yes, I can. Let me just say, when you start making choices that aren’t self-honoring, hear me, “Wonk, wonk, wonk.” That’s what’s gonna happen.

Christine Schlonski [7:12]
But it might not seem that important. It’s just this little choice.

RaShawn Renée [7:14]
It’s the slippery slope, Christine, it’s the slippery slope. So this is what happens. Let’s say you make a choice. Oh, since we all have relationships, may I use an analogy of a relationship?

Christine Schlonski [7:33]
Well, it’s a client? It’s a relationship.

RaShawn Renée [7:36]
It’s a relationship, exactly. So this is how it goes. Your client asks you a question and you don’t want to hurt their feelings. So you fudge the answer because you don’t want to hurt their feelings. Okay, and you think say to yourself, as the coach, “Well, that was good, because I didn’t hurt their feelings”, but inside of yourself, you feel a little like, “Oh, just not right”, because you don’t want to be a liar. Even though you call it fudging, it’s a lie. This person is opening themselves up to you, to guide them, to have an impact on their life. You’ve just made a deposit of a lie in to them. You have also lied and dishonored yourself. But it seems like nothing because it was just one little thing that hurt their feelings. A couple of days later, the client asks you another question that’s based upon the question that they had asked in your previous session. Well, this time, the lie has to get just a little bit bigger, to cover and to make feel good about what you said before and you don’t feel good about it. You say to yourself, “Well, it’s okay. They’re my client, I’m helping them get to another point.” Now, three or so weeks have passed. Over this time, in each conversation, you’re having to make an adjustment inside yourself, for the initial little bitty lie that you told. Now, you’re not feeling good about it, you’re not feeling good about yourself, you’re starting to have almost a little bit of resentment or anxiety each time you know you’re going to have that client session because now you’ve diminished a part of who you are. You don’t know why you’re not feeling good, because you aren’t consciously thinking of this. But you don’t feel good about yourself. Okay, you finish your contractual agreement with the client. But it didn’t end well where you feel elated when you finished. And nor does the client feel, you did a moderate job for them. So when they give you the feedback, that’s the feedback that they give you. You don’t feel good about it.

Unknown Speaker [10:30]
Fast forward, a month or so passes. Now you have a new client, the new client is talking to you. You find yourself automatically going into a lie that is unnecessary. Or saying the words, we don’t even have to call it, saying words that aren’t accurate. So that they will like you and do business with you. You don’t see the damage that it’s causing at that moment. Fast forward to, now we’re like three months from the initial story that you told. You go and you look in your mirror and you start feeling good about yourself. You’re not feeling good about your coaching practice. You’re wondering why you’re waking up feeling dread, that you’re going to have to talk to your clients that day, instead of the joy. You were feeling prior that first crack that you make. Wow. So what has happened, is you have gone,” Wonk, wonk, wonk.” Once you start, the choices that aren’t self-honoring. Once you start it, unless you just put a hard stop in it. Meaning, every time you hear yourself about to make that choice, you pause, ask yourself, “Wait, is this what I want to do? Is this who I am? Is this who I want to be?” Until you do that, you’re on the slippery slope. It’s like when you’re skiing when you skiing and you’re getting ready to fall, you can’t stop yourself, you’re going down until the momentum stops you from the fall. When you start making choices that are not self-honoring. It is habitual and it’s unconsciously habitual. Until you get to a point that you’ve stopped yourself and you’re like, “Oh my gosh”, and either you stop yourself because all of a sudden you’re starting to feel pain and shame and discomfort, or you stop yourself because someone calls you out on it. Not good. It’s no bueno. It’s how all of us. Let me be in the first of the line, the first person when I say that, all of us can put ourself in such a situation that we have no idea was ever coming. I put myself in a situation, once upon a time, in a relationship with a man, who the first date, I knew it wasn’t right, the first date first, first, first date but I had a second date, third date, fourth date. Until the point that we were living together. Then what happened in the dynamic of that was, ” Wank, wank, wank.”

Christine Schlonski [13:46]
I always say to people to have a look at the ripple effect and both directions. Because going down that slope, like having that customer who isn’t 100% happy. Like, what else happens?Why they do not refer you?

RaShawn Renée [14:03]
Exactly. That’s where I was going with this next,

Christine Schlonski [14:07]
They don’t bring your friend, their friends or business partners. In the positive way, you’re opening up that space, even though if you are learning to trust yourself more and to make those choices, which as you said, it’s not always easy.

RaShawn Renée [14:26]
It’s not. It’s life. On the other side, and thank you for saying that, because that is the truth. On the other side of that, you won’t get any referrals. Not only will you not get any referrals, you got the mother review from them. When people are talking to them about their coaching, they’re not in your name comes up, it’s not going to be in a positive light. On the other side of that, if you were to say to that initial client that you felt like you needed to tell them story to. If you would have said to them, I’m going to pretend like you’re my client, “You know Christine, I’m not going to answer that question at this moment because this isn’t the time for me to answer that question.” What we’re going to do is, you’re the coach, and then you come back to them at a time where you know they have the emotional and psychological fortitude to hear the truth and then you give them the answer. That’s how it works. When you tell them, when you asked me that question weeks ago, the reason I didn’t answer, it is because. Do you know how far up you just want to on their level of respect and regard for you? Do you know that they’re going to tell everyone that they know? “Well, you know, she’s a straight shooter. She’s not gonna hold any punches. But oh my gosh, is she dynamic? Oh, my gosh, has my life changed? Oh my gosh, I’m seeing myself in a completely different way. Oh, my gosh, if I ever need coaching, she’s always who I’m going to. I just refer my mother, my cousin, my, because everyone needs to have some of her in their life.” That’s what you want to hear. You heard it in an uncomfortable moment.It is even, it’s like when you are, I’ll tell a personal story that this was such a hard thing for me to do. It was so hard, I have butterflies in my stomach. I who enjoy speaking, my throat was constricted, because I didn’t want to say what I needed to say. I had this lovely woman in front of me and she sitting across from me. Oftentimes I will start a conversation with, “Let’s just have a coming together.” I will invite the individual to put their hands in my hands. I’ll speak an affirmation or I’ll say, “Let’s have a prayer”, depending on what their level of understanding there is and how they accept those things. I frame it for them because it’s for them and for me, but I accept all my modalities of loving, call it prayer, call it affirmation, call it the declaration statements. She says to me, “Are we ready to have a prayer”, and I was like, “Yes.” But in addition to us having a prayer. What I’m holding your hand for is because this is a moment of courage for me. While I’m praying, I’m asking for the courage to communicate what I need to communicate. I was so scared to do it but I knew it was necessary. When I did it, which was having to let her go from my employment instead of us, her leaving, and me having hard feelings about her, her heart having heart feelings about me. At the end of the communication, she hugged me, she cried, and said, “I don’t know that I’ve had anyone give me as much love as you’ve just given me while telling me something I don’t want to hear, but I feel the love.” I know, she said, “And I know how powerful I am and that I will do greater things.” That’s almost a direct word for word quote. I just let her go from my employment. The way that that happened was when you tell someone the truth, they feel it. So what I had to say to her is, and this is for anyone that’s listening, when you have to say something difficult, you can share with the person how difficult it is, I had to share with her, this is a moment of courage for me, because it’s not what I want to do. Because I cared for her as a individual. I knew her not being our employee was not going to have an impact financially in her life, I felt a sense of responsibility for that. I knew she couldn’t work with us anymore. What I had to say is, either I’ve hired the wrong person, or I didn’t train you in a way that is necessary for the fulfillment of what needs to have happen, what needs to happen. Maybe it was something in between. But whatever it is, it’s not working for us. I explained to her how capable she is. I gave her a list of all the wonderful things that she has done, and had done for us and our employment while she was an employee. I reflected back to her, the things she had done in her life. So two days ago, just two days ago, I get a beautiful text message from her communicating a new job she has, how powerful she feels, how great it was working for us, all the things she learned, and on and on and on. It was so long, it really should not have been a text, it’s one of those text messages is really an email, but it was so beautiful. I’m saying that to say as your audience is listening to this, when you make a self honoring choice, it’s not always easy but it will so reveal to you who you really are beyond the conditioning, because how we’re all conditioned, is make someone feel good, you want to make them feel good, don’t want to hurt anybody’s feelings. In our business, we need our clients, because they are the monetization, of what helps us, do what we want to do in our life.

Christine Schlonski [21:42]
Yeah, I just love your example, because it shows a beautiful way of selling as well because you had to sell your idea, your feelings to her in an authentic way, not making her, not just saying something nice, and then kind of getting her out of the way. As entrepreneurs are so important, because we sell both sides, we are selling to the people that are working to us and vision. We are selling them where we want to go and how things are going to work and there are certain expectations. I feel it is as important those perhaps those communications than having them with our clients, to interview them, to check if we want to take them on board.

RaShawn Renée [22:37]
A 100%. Go ahead.

Christine Schlonski [22:41]
Yeah, what could you share with the audience to, to round this beautiful second episode of? We could go on for hours and hours.

RaShawn Renée [22:52]
I would agree with you, we could. I would say, how you want to contribute, in a similar way to how we ended our first one. It’s really about how you want to contribute to their life, and how you want to contribute to your life. I look at, well, let me think, I think the biggest gift we can give ourselves is to show ourselves how powerful we are and how courageous we are. What that means is like, shine your light magnificently, like, shine, shine, shine. Don’t be afraid to be too big. Don’t be afraid to be too bold. Don’t be afraid to ask for what you want. Don’t be afraid of any of that. When you hear others saying, “Who does she think she is? She so bold, she’s always asking for?” When you hear those things, you know you’re on the right path. You can lovingly say, “Yes, I am bold because I’ve come here to contribute a lot. Yes, I do have a lot of requests, because it is my preference to make a difference. In my clients life, it’s my preference to make a difference in my family life. It’s my preference to make a societal shift.” That all comes through you honoring you. As you move into or continue your business of sales, I say, just shine dynamically. Show yourself beautifully. In those little parts of yourself that may feel uncomfortable. They may not feel so bold, so courageous, don’t know how to ask, look at them, and just continue moving forward.

Christine Schlonski [24:57]
Love it. I just love it. You are giving a full chapter of your beautiful book away of the, 44 Hours & 21 Minutes. I’m going to definitely put that on the show notes. So make sure you hop on over to christineschlonski.com. I will link to your book and also to where people can find you. So they can connect. Be in that powerful space.

RaShawn Renée [25:27]
Thank you tell them we’re going to give them, Chapter 4. So they’ll remember, 44 Hours & 21 minutes. I don’t even know what Chapter 4 is, but I just decided, Chapter 4.,

Christine Schlonski [25:36]
It’s Chapter 4, it’s self-honoring choice. That’s what came through. So it’s, Chapter 4. Thank you so much, for having been on the show, RaShawn, I so appreciate that. Thank you for sharing all the wisdom of the audience today.

RaShawn Renée [25:52]
Thank you, beautiful lady. I’m so happy to be here and tell your audience, thank you for listening. Please take this into your heart. Let it move into your mind and make the choices that are going to create the life of the life that you desire.

Christine Schlonski [26:09]
Beautiful. Thank you.

RaShawn Renée [26:11]
You’re welcome. Bye.

Christine Schlonski [26:13]
What a great second episode was for, RaShawn Renée. I just love how she has taken that path and how bold and courageous she is to share what has happened in her life. The ugly truth and how she was able to turn that around by making the self-honoring choices to really create a life of delight. It’s beautiful to have leaders in the world like she is so that we can be inspired and motivated. Also, we can see it is all possible. I hope you are inspired. You are going for self-honoring choices, no matter where those choices need to be made. To really uplift yourself and your business by going for your real truth so you can live powerfully. Thank you so much for tuning in. I’m always excited that you are here. Make sure you subscribe to the podcast so you do not miss a single episode. For all the show notes, the transcripts, the resources, the links to, RaShawn, to connect with her on social to get to her book. They’re all at christineschlonski.com/podcast, or you go to christineschlonski.com and find the Heart Sells! Podcast tab. There’s everything, just one click away. While you’re over at christineschlonski.com make sure you sign into the empowerment notes. That means you get once a week, my empowerment notes into your inbox, where I will share with you the latest updates on the podcast, as well as great tips and tricks and advice and also what I’m up to, what happened for me, what my learnings are so that I can share with you and also inspire you to live the life of your dreams and to really follow your heart. Thank you for being here. Have a wonderful day, wherever you are, and I’m saying bye for now.