Resources in this Episode:

Christine Schlonski [0:02]
Hi Gorgeous, this is episode number 073, and I am so excited that we have the wonderful Laura Gassner Otting back today.

Laura Gassner Otting [0:15]
Hi, this is Laura Gassner Otting and you’re listening to the Heart Sells! Podcast with Christine Schlonski, hope you enjoy!

Christine Schlonski [0:20]
Well, I am so so excited to have you back on Heart Sells! Podcast. Welcome, Laura!

Laura Gassner Otting [0:25]
Hey, it’s good to be back.

Christine Schlonski [0:26]
Yeah, I loved our first conversation. I love the money, the price of value distinction and everything we talked about. So, if you have not listened to the conversation, go back to the other episode and tune in. And I’m so excited to continue this conversation with you.

Laura Gassner Otting [0:47]
I’m so glad to be here.

Christine Schlonski [0:49]
Yes. So we, we talked about the services and how you also found the way to express your value, how to get paid, then how to say no to opportunities if it’s not aligned. How do you deal with rejection yourself?

Laura Gassner Otting [1:09]
Oh, you know, I think rejection is really hard. And it’s interesting. I was on the Today Show when the book first was coming out, and I was on the 10 o’clock hour and the 10 o’clock hour with, with Hoda and Jenna Bush Hager is is mostly like a stay at home mom type audience. And I was told by the producers that ahead of time, and that I should really like be soft and be gentle. And you know, I’m often described when I get on stage as a punch in the face wrapped in a warm hug. So, I had to give much more warm hug and much less punch in the face. And so I did, I had soft hair, soft makeup I covered you know, my muscular arms with sleeves, I was wearing like an over jean a colored dress. And, and it was great. It was a terrific segment I, I was light, I was funny, I was friendly. And I it was my first time doing live TV ever, my first interview for the book, and I was so delighted that I’d not thrown up all over myself. You know, knocked it out of the park, mostly, frankly, because they’re such good interviewers that they just made it so easy. They made me look so good. I mean, I think I actually could have thrown up on myself and they would have just cut the camera two, kept talking and clean me up and cut back to me. But I walked off of the stage feeling so good. And then 10 minutes later, I got an email from somebody saying, I loved you on the Today Show you were articulate and funny. And so, so ladylike, and then I went to your website, and I read some of your blog posts, and I felt like I was being assaulted by the foul language and shame on you. And you should really think about whether or not you could articulate your ideas without resorting to such terrible language. And it was, it was really, it went on and on, it was a sermon and I, and I paused for a minute and I was like, oh no, she hates me. And then I realized she’s just not my people. And that’s okay. There are plenty of other emails, I got that day that were like, I love you on the Today Show, and I went to your website, and I got even more inspired.

Christine Schlonski [3:15]
Yeah.

Laura Gassner Otting [3:16]
And we have a choice, we can listen to all the voices that say you’re great, or we listen to that one voice that goes, I don’t really know, I’m not really sure. And the problem is, is that we give that one voice so much more weight. And frankly, we could vote in our lives to people who shouldn’t even have voices. And that includes the voice in our own head too, which is often the loudest, that’s the one that’s like playing the tape back there non stop about that one woman. So there’s plenty of rejection. I’m, I’m sitting in this place right now where I’ve gotten, you know, like 25 reviews on amazon.com, mostly there my dad and my friends reviewing the book. And I’m just waiting for that one review that just eviscerates me like, I know it’s coming. And I just have to live in a place where I go, okay, so I’m not for them. There’s a billion other people on the planet, maybe I’ll be for them instead.

Christine Schlonski [4:08]
Yeah, yeah. It’s interesting. I had an episode with Andrea Waltz on Heart Sells! Podcast, and we were talking about her book and that she got a really bad review. And she usually she said she wouldn’t answer but she felt inspired to ask why. And then it ended up that the person actually apologized because they hadn’t really paid attention…

Laura Gassner Otting [4:35]
Yes!

Laura Gassner Otting [4:36]
It’s true. And I will say, I have gotten some emails from people that have been a little bit negative. And the ones who I have, you know, I have an assessment online at limitlessassessment.com where people can go when they can take a quiz that tells them a little bit about whether or not they’re in consonants, and what’s stopping them, where they’re stuck, and some changes they can make. And the quiz takes about 10 or 15 minutes, about 60 questions, and it’s got some pretty catalyzing questions, which can make people a little bit uncomfortable. If I’m asking questions about things that are, you know, things that you haven’t really wanted to change, but maybe, you know, have kind of been the problem. And I did get an email from somebody saying, I took limitlessassessment.com, I took your quiz, and I hated it. And I already know that I’m miserable in my job, and all your quiz did was rub it into my face. And I felt so terrible about that. And I wrote her back, and I said, I’m really sorry that my quiz made you feel that way. I, I take it to heart what you said, and I’ll look at some of the language and see if maybe that’s the issue. But I know that in my book, the lessons that I teach will help you dig deeper and maybe make some of those changes, I’d love to send you a copy for free. Because that cost me like five bucks, right? Like why not? I don’t know who this person is. She’s a schoolteacher somewhere in the Midwest. I don’t know if she has a network, or a community, or a megaphone or anything. But I just was like, you know what, she took a chance on me, she took some time, I’m going to send it to her. And I sent her back the email, and she wrote back the next day and said, I got your email, I can’t believe you took the time to write back to me, I haven’t been able to reply to your email, because I’ve been trying to think of a way to say, I’m sorry. And I probably wouldn’t have apologized, I probably wouldn’t have replied in as nice of a way that as you did, and I really appreciate it. And thank you, here’s my address for the book. And all that it did was it diffused for me the noise that she would have had in my head otherwise. You know, there’s a guy named Jay Baer, who wrote a book called Hug Your Haters. And that’s just kind of what I’ve been doing. I’ve just been hugging my haters, and anybody who lashes out at me is doing it because they’re in a place of pain. And I seem to be the person who has it all figured out. And when you’re in a place of pain, that’s really annoying. I don’t want to be that person for people. And if there’s anything that I can do, maybe that’s what I’ll do. And maybe it’ll work. And even with this woman with the foul language, I actually wrote back to her. And I was like, oh, I’m curious what you read on the site, because, you know, I dropped a few f-bombs here and there. But mostly, it’s, you know, much lighter fare than that. But it’s pretty aggressive in terms of the way that I write pretty aggressively. And so I was just sort of curious. And it turns out that the page that she found most offensive, used the word hell, and damn, and that was it. Like, those were the two words. So they weren’t like, they wouldn’t set your hair on fire. And it just made me think, well, should I keep writing that way? Should I not write that way? What’s my voice, and it just really helped me to say, this is my voice, and this is what I believe in, if this is how I write, and if this is impacting people in a way that resonates with them, and I can connect with them, then I, it just gives me all the more reason to just super own my voice. But it doesn’t mean I have to be a jerk about it. I can still engage with those individuals. I don’t, I think ignoring them doesn’t quiet the noise in my head of them. So I engage with them. And then they normally write back and we have a great conversation and it’s pretty terrific. You know you should, have you talked to a guy named Jia Jiang?

Christine Schlonski [4:36]
No, I haven’t.

Christine Schlonski [4:36]
And, so it turned out to be like, four stars something. So, and I’m also a believer, like, when you focus on things like this, they will show up.

Laura Gassner Otting [4:49]
J I A is the first name J I A N G, Jia Jiang, and he did a TEDx, a TED talk about rejection. It’s about 100 days of rejection. And he actually, for 100 days intentionally put himself in a place where he would be rejected. Like, he would go to McDonald’s, and you know, you get like free refills on your drink, he’d walk up to the counter and be like, I’d like a refill on my burger, please. Or he’d walk up to like random people on the street and ask to borrow hundred dollars like, absolutely ways to get rejected. And it’s a great talk about rejection and what you can learn from just being rejected over and over and over again. So I would encourage you to watch that. And I’m, you should have him on your show. He’s really terrific.

Christine Schlonski [9:00]
Okay. Yeah, cool. I would definitely look into that. And I love the way how you in engage with those people. There’s a saying that goes hurt people hurt people.

Laura Gassner Otting [9:12]
Yes.

Christine Schlonski [9:13]
And I believe that if somebody really takes their precious time to complain about you…

Laura Gassner Otting [9:19]
Then they’re in a lot of pain.

Christine Schlonski [9:21]
There in a lot of pain. And by the way, you responded, I can really see that, you know, that might have helped in their pain to get out of it, or to at least take the first step into a direction that feels much better. So I would definitely say, you know, considering having, giving a helping hand is something really nice to do.

Laura Gassner Otting [9:47]
Yeah, and for the most part, I mean, this cost me $5. But for the most part, it costs us nothing. I mean, it took me five, it cost me $5 and 30 seconds of my time. And it’s, I love that expression, hurt people hurt people, I always say that people in desperate situations do desperate things. And I just, I, I, most of the people are shocked that I reply, usually get an email back saying I can’t believe you actually reply to me. I think people just think it’s anonymous. They just reply to an email or they tweet something, or they put a comment on Facebook, and they don’t realize there’s someone on the other end, who’s going to feel the impact of that glow. And I think when you reply to it, they like your friend with the, with the, with the book review, suddenly that person was diffused, and had to consider their behavior and in fact, change their behavior because of it. And I think it’s okay to call people out sometimes when they’re not being humane.

Christine Schlonski [10:38]
Oh, definitely. I think it’s totally, it’s totally okay. I mean, you have to stand for your values and for your message. And it’s not for everybody.

Laura Gassner Otting [10:47]
And you have to protect your own heart because no one else is going to.

Christine Schlonski [10:51]
Yeah, so agree. So what, what do you do when you actually have a bad day? Do you have any strategies that you use to get out of it?

Laura Gassner Otting [11:01]
Yeah, um, I’d like to remind myself that it’s temporary. Right, this too, will pass. You know, I talk a lot about failure. And the truth is that as grown ups, we get hired, and paid, and promoted, and praised to live right in the center of our excellence, step to the left, you’re going to fail, step to the right, you’re going to fail. And our kids actually do exactly the opposite. Right? Like our kids spend all day long on the very bleeding edge of their incompetence. You figured out algebra, it’s time for trigonometry, you figure out trigonometry, here comes calculus, right? I mean, they never stay in one place long enough to wallow in their greatness. They’re constantly being pushed to move. And so, you know, we as adults define a bad day as failing at something when something doesn’t go the way we plan. And I like to think of failure not as finale, but really as fulcrum. And I’d like to really embrace those fulcrum moments, like, you know, was I perfect on stage, no, what can I learn from it lots, and let’s keep going, I can either wallow in the things I did wrong, or I could say, okay, that joke didn’t land or I didn’t spend long enough letting the audience give me the virtual hug in that area, or I move the slide too quickly. I can either say, God, I really suck today. Or I could say, you know, I did 85% now I know what to work on to master the other 15% Next, and you know, sometimes that takes ice cream. Sometimes that takes scotch. Sometimes that takes a good hard sweaty workout. It just sometimes it takes something to like get the endorphins moving again so that I can get out of the funk and get into the the the positive piece of it. But I think it’s a mindset, I think, I think misery is contagious. And I think joy is also contagious. And so I try to remind myself that it’s temporary, I try to remind myself that failure is not finale, that it’s fulcrum, I try to get myself out of the funk. And if none of that works for me, I try to surround myself with people who I know have my back and have my best at heart because they’re the ones who will refocus me when I need to.

Christine Schlonski [13:16]
Love it. Plus you do some workout. I think that’s that’s something that’s often overlooked. Well, at least that’s true for me that I’m thinking, what if I actually would move my body then I would feel much better? Because that energy, I can release that energy.

Laura Gassner Otting [13:31]
Yeah, I think we’re always one workout away from a better mood because it just literally your brain chemistry changes. Like even if you are desperate and want to stay in a bad mood. You have to fight against the endorphins, you have to fight against your brain chemistry changing. And even if you just move your body for 10 minutes, it’s something and it helps a ton.

Christine Schlonski [13:51]
Yeah, definitely like, like breathing like a breathing exercise. Because when you’re really upset that, you know I kind of stop breathing fully, which doesn’t support the situation at all.

Laura Gassner Otting [14:04]
Yeah. And for some people, like for me, it’s like a high energy, intense workout for other people, it may be meditation, but it’s just something that changes the way that you were sitting in your body at that moment.

Christine Schlonski [14:17]
Yeah.

Laura Gassner Otting [14:18]
The best antidote to a rut is is action, some kind of action something, so to do something.

Christine Schlonski [14:28]
Great. So what do you have also a strategy like when you feel stuck? Is that the same that you do like a workout? Or that you…

Laura Gassner Otting [14:36]
Feel stuck in what way?

Christine Schlonski [14:40]
Well, you know, maybe like the day where you have too many lists on you to, too many things on your to-do list where you will already feel overwhelmed just looking at it. And do you, do have those moments? Or have you passed them?

Laura Gassner Otting [14:54]
Yeah, so the very best and also hardest to take a piece of personal and professional advice I ever got was this, you’re just not that important. And that was pretty hard piece of advice to get. Because at the time, I was growing my business, I was growing my family, I was involved in several boards in my community, I was I was really important to all those things. It turns out, I wasn’t actually all that important. And I was so busy being busy, and I was so busy in the action that I didn’t take time to think about the impact. And I think that that happens to a lot of us when we get so overwhelmed by the busy, and the exhaustion doesn’t really come from being too busy. The being stuck doesn’t really come from being too busy. I think it comes from the time in between the busy where we’re like coach shifting and costume changing, to go from being the internal person to the external person or the work person to the family person or whatever it may be. And so I whenever I look at my life, and I go, oh my god, there are literally not enough hours in the day to do all the things I need to do. I asked myself, well, where am I that important? Because I want to double down there. And all the things where I’m not that important. But can I pick your brains? And the you gotta minutes? And could you just take a look at? I ignore them. And honestly, they usually find someone else. Because it turns out, just not that important.

Christine Schlonski [16:25]
I love, I love that advice. Thank you so much for sharing it because it’s so often do you have a minute? Or can you have a look?

Laura Gassner Otting [16:32]
Can I pick your brain? It’s like can I steal some of your time for free?

Christine Schlonski [16:35]
Yeah!

Laura Gassner Otting [16:36]
No, thank you.

Christine Schlonski [16:38]
Awesome. Yeah. What’s, what’s your reply? Is it, is it, no, thank you, do you ignore them? Like what, what is a good way to get out of that?

Christine Schlonski [16:46]
A lot of, a lot of people suffer from that. Because once you have something that other people want, then you get requests all the time, right?

Laura Gassner Otting [16:55]
Yeah, you do. I think a lot of the times we get requests are not because we have been headhunted as the most important and vital person. I think we get asked because we’re the closest proximate heartbeat or we’re the first person somebody thought of, and there’s a couple things you know, like the drive by bake sale chairmanship sucker punch of an ask. We just are, the chairman, the chairman of a bake sale, just she, her father is going to emergency surgery. She can’t do it, can you? And all of a sudden their emergency becomes your emergency. I believe that no, was a complete sentence.

Christine Schlonski [17:29]
Oh, yes.

Laura Gassner Otting [17:29]
No, I’m sorry, I can’t do that at this time. That’s it. And people look at you like what, and then you feel the need to give all these excuses because they’re so stunned. And then if you just go but have a great day, I hope you find, I know you’ll find somebody, and you leave, you’re done. That’s it, you don’t have to get like you don’t have to make them feel better. No is a complete sentence. There are people in your life to whom you are that important. And causes for what you are that important and projects that need you. And if you are not, if you are spending your time getting sucker punched by the bake sale, last minute problem, you’re actually not showing up for the people who need you the most. Because when you walk out of that school, the next mom who walks in the door is going to get asked the same question, hey, the chairman’s dad is having emergency surgery, can you? You’re not that important, they’ll find someone else they always do. So I believe number one, no is a complete sentence. If I can say yes to the big so, of course I’m going to. But I’m not going to do it just because I happened to be the first person who dropped my kids off that day. The second thing is that when somebody approaches me, and I want to help them, but I just don’t have time, right now I write back and I say, I would love to help you. I’m completely slammed for the next three weeks, please ping me back. I’d love to help you with that if it’s still important, you know, if it’s, if it’s still needed, if it’s an emergency, and obviously, I’ll drop things, and I’ll help them. But I can’t always do that. And usually, it’s not that much of an emergency. Most of the time, they don’t write me back three weeks from then. Because I found someone else to solve the problem. Someone else looked at the resume, somebody else answered their question that they probably could have googled, somebody else was there, somebody else gave them the recipe for green bean casserole, whatever the thing is that they need, somebody else was able to help them. Awesome, great. It didn’t have to be, I wasn’t that important. And then when they come back to me in three weeks, it’s like, okay, absolutely. I promise you, I’ll be here. I’m here for you right now, times are are better. Then the last thing is, um, I think that it’s okay to say, I’m actually not the right person for this. I don’t know enough about that question. I don’t have enough time. I don’t have the right network. I am, there is someone who is better and you should think about asking this person or this person or this person, goodbye. That’s fine, too. So you don’t have to be the solution to everyone’s problem.

Christine Schlonski [19:43]
Yeah. And I think that’s something that we women suffer from because we always want to nurture maintain, we want the harmony, the peace, but also the freedom but, you know, do what we desire. So I think that was really, really valuable and provides lots of good ideas. And yeah, I learned a while ago that no is a complete sentence, and I just love that expression as well.

Laura Gassner Otting [20:09]
Yeah, and if people feel badly about saying no, then they could say yes. Which, can you help me with this? Yes. And I can do it in three weeks. That’s fine, too.

Christine Schlonski [20:19]
Yeah, love it. I just love it. Well, let people know where they can find you. Because I mean, I have everything in the show notes as well. But, you have your book on Amazon, in the bookstore so people can really go for it and have a deep dive which I highly, highly recommend.

Laura Gassner Otting [20:40]
Yes, so I am on all the socials at heylgo. So like waving HeyLGO, and then my website is heylgo.com, a lot of the stuff we talked about is in my, different blog articles on my, on my website, and of course, the book Limitless: How to Ignore Everybody, Carve Your Own Path, and Live Your Best Life is on amazon.com, Barnes and Noble, 800 CEO Reads and anywhere good books are sold.

Christine Schlonski [21:06]
Love it. Thank you so so much for all the wisdom you shared, your wonderful energy. I had a lot of fun. And yeah, I hope really, people follow that advice. And I’m sure that their lives will be changed.

Laura Gassner Otting [21:21]
Awesome. Thank you so much for having me. It’s been a great conversation. Have a great day.

Christine Schlonski [21:27]
You too. Bye! Well, I had so much fun versus interview, especially the rejection part, which seems to be so difficult for all of us, no matter if we are already great in sales or not that great, or whatever it is. Rejection seems to be a challenge for every human being on this planet. So I hope you got a lot of wonderful ideas out of this interview, and ways how to see rejection, how to handle rejection so that it makes your life easier. Hop on over to christineschlonski.com, you find there the podcast tab, Heart Sells! Podcast with Laura’s wonderful episodes, and also the transcript, the show notes, the key points, as well as a wonderful resources, which one of them is her amazing book Limitless, and I highly recommend that you have a read. And also make sure to give a rating on Amazon because that is what we all need and desire to get some feedback about the work we are doing in this world. And last but not least, if you are over at christineschlonski.com, and you have not yet signed up for the Sales Mentality Makeover Masterclass, I highly recommend you being part of it. It’s a free online event where I gather 20 amazing experts that share their wisdom with you in regards to sales, mindset, money and wealth creation. And they will give you spiritual and practical steps how you can increase your sales and create true wealth without losing your authenticity. And the amazing news is, it’s a free event. We’re starting on May 15th, so don’t miss it and tune in there will be each day new episodes released so that you can take your business and life to the next level. Thank you so much for being here. Have a wonderful day wherever you are in this beautiful world. And I’m saying bye for now.