Christine Schlonski [0:02]
Hey Gorgeous, this is episode number 031.

Dana Pharant [0:06]
I this is Dana Pharant and you are listening to Heart Sells! Podcast with Christine Schlonski, enjoy.

Christine Schlonski [0:14]
Well, I am pumped to have a Dana Pharant back today at Heart Sells! Podcast. Last, in the last episode, we covered how to go from doormat to dominatrix. I think that’s quite an interesting episode. You should be listening to it if you have not already. You find all the show notes, the transcripts and the resources we are talking about at christineschlonski.com. And Dana will talk to us today about the way you can invite clients to buy from you and she describes this with the most luxurious party you can ever imagine. So tune in and have fun because she’s all about ditching the push, the hustle, and the grind and to connect to your authentic inner power and confidence so that you basically can unleash your inner dominatrix. Dana’s totally committed in living a life in her feminine power. And she also helps others to connect to this and she does that through speaking and coaching. She is a two times best selling author and a two times award-winning speaker. So I am very excited to have her on the show. Welcome back, Dana. Hey, Dana. I’m so happy you are back. Welcome to Heart Sells! again.

Dana Pharant [1:43]
My pleasure. I love hanging out with you.

Christine Schlonski [1:45]
Yeah, I loved our last conversation about the confidence piece and how the energy switches when people are really, really excited about what they do, how they can support their potential client and as you described it, like, really go just into the head, shut everything off and operate from yeah, just from their brain, basically, so the other person doesn’t feel loved and cared for, like the did before. So let’s talk a little bit about these energies and these shifts and, and why the other person gets then pushed away and is probably not going to buy from that amazing person.

Dana Pharant [2:28]
Yeah. So you know, the shift often happens out of our internal judgments of ourselves, right? So and typically, this brings up all the money stuff, it’s fabulous. And yeah, are our thoughts about money, the judgments of, you know, it’s not right, I should be doing this, especially if you’re doing something that’s a service based therapy kind of thing. Maybe think: well, you know, if I was really kind, I would just give it away, I’m charging too much. There’s those thoughts, processes come in, and all of a sudden, you are feeling all the feelings. You’re feeling, you know, triggered: I’m not good enough. Who am I to ask for this? They’ll never say yes. And, and then that ends up getting projected onto the client. And really what we need to do, of course, the deeper work is to do move those things out. But, you know, while you’re learning to move that out, you can be dropping back into that space of like: okay, what if? What if I was to have the conversation with this person with no expectation of whether they’re going to buy or not, and I’m making them an offer. And I love thinking of it in terms of, I am inviting you to the most exclusive party, this beautiful, luxurious party that you are going to love being part of, and you’re going to be just bragging to all your friends, because you got the exclusive invite, right? This is a small party, we’re only inviting like 20-30 people. And you get one of the invites when I think of it in terms of that to me like you can feel it – I can see your reaction on video and I can see you’re just like, oh that’s yummy, right? – Like, it’s really good. And that’s the thing. It’s like, especially if we’re making offers of working one on one to think about that way, you’re inviting them to a very exclusive party. And who doesn’t want to be get invited to something that’s very exclusive? You’re one of the few really inside scoop, everybody loves that kind of thing. And so we start thinking in terms of how that serves them, not just in fact, of what you’re going to do for them. But just that in the invitation piece. If I invite you to what we’re doing from that energy? Who’s not gonna want to say yes?

Christine Schlonski [4:58]
Yeah, yeah, it’s a whole different energy. And I think people need to be a little bit more aware of it. Like, how do I approach a conversation? How do I make sure to stay in my heart and my core? How, how do I stay authentic? I you know, I remember when I started my sales career, like about 15 years ago, or something, the very first calls I had to make, like cold calls to CEOs, company owners, general managers, and who was I, right? I just had my first job that was my more or less my second job. And then I had to talk to all the successful people and they had to ask for, like, a really big chunk of money. That was a lot for me, as I’m thinking like, wow, if that would be on my account, I would be happy, right? And, you know, that just feeling that fear and kind of pushing through it. And I had the I had the view that because I was asking this high amount where other people, you know, could buy a really nice car that I was that I needed to be super serious. No, I didn’t laugh. I didn’t make any jokes. I was like super

Dana Pharant [6:22]
serious money you’re asking for?

Christine Schlonski [6:24]
Yeah,

Dana Pharant [6:24]
right?

Christine Schlonski [6:27]
No, and I acted this way. So I still was successful, but I never understood like, I had a colleague and she was always laughing. And I was like, how could you right? How could you? And it took me so long to actually go into the space to start to enjoy the conversation. To have like, you know, a cool conversation, a fun conversation. And, you know, once I started, I remember the first time I was like, okay, that my next call, I’m going to try to laugh. It made it even more difficult. But, you know, opening up to that because I took it so serious, like, it’s not it’s a game. The whole life is a game and that was such a big shift. So I can really feel when we talk about that energy, like, looking back at where I started at like, just the theory of you could have fun in a conversation and even sell something like what a concept, right?

Dana Pharant [7:34]
and that’s the funny thing is like, I think in the beginning you know, the need to make the sale feel so heavy and serious and you know, oh my god I, I have to do this. I have to make this work. And and so you know, it’s hard to let go, it’s hard to loosen up and just be present in the call. And then you know, as you start getting some success it gets easier to feel that freedom and yet the freedom is is the very thing we need to start with is that sense of It’s okay if I don’t make the sale. So what if what if I don’t focus on making the sale and I just focus on making that conversation and the super sexy fun offer to be at the exclusive party? And we look at you know, the: How do I want to feel in this conversation? How do I want to show up in this conversation? As opposed to what’s the outcome. How do I close the person, right? I hate that term right

Christine Schlonski [8:34]
yeah well it’s such a common term but yeah

Dana Pharant [8:36]
It is a common term but it’s harsh right? Like how do I how do I close them? How do I like slam rap right?

Christine Schlonski [8:46]
Yeah that’s that’s what people that’s what people fear and then there’s also you know this kind of I call it like neediness energy. So when you’re so focused on like a have to close this deal.

Dana Pharant [8:58]
Yes

Christine Schlonski [8:58]
Then you put that neediness in

Dana Pharant [9:01]
Which becomes like the, you know, the single woman at the bar who’s just desperate to find somebody. And the men get her?

Christine Schlonski [9:09]
Yeah, yeah, it’s horrible. So, like people not putting that out there like really focusing on the fun part on getting the person really figuring out maybe I don’t even want them at my exclusive party. But I haven’t asked the right questions yet.

Dana Pharant [9:27]
And that’s, that brings up another place I love that about maybe I don’t want them. So that’s another great mindset pieces. They, if you start thinking in terms of you, are also interviewing them. Is this an ideal fit for you? And when, when you’re willing to say no to people, it shifts everything. When you’re willing to, you know, you have somebody and I and I will force myself to do it sometimes, like in the in the beginning, if I’m like, feeling kind of nervous, or whatever, then I forced myself to say no, if it’s not 100% ideal, even if it’s like okay, I’m kind of stress for money right now. I’m like, No, I have to say no because it’s so important. As soon as I say no two things happen. One, I tell my brain that there’s an abundance in the universe so much abundance, and I’m able to say no, to this person is not an ideal fit. Two I proved myself that I am only going to take on the people who are great. And so it kind of reaffirms why I’m doing this. And then the third if it’s not a super ideal fit, that word kind of gets out that, you know, I’m not going to take just anybody. I’m, I’m looking for the right person. So it makes them feel at ease. And I’ve had a lot of my noes. Send me referrals.

Christine Schlonski [10:42]
Yeah, yeah, as I said, No, great, really, really great point. Yeah. And also, you know, if you have some exclusive party, you want that exclusive party to be amazing,

Dana Pharant [10:52]
right? And has to be exclusive. If you’re in it, you know, say it’s exclusive, right? You can’t be open to everyone and be exclusive.

Christine Schlonski [10:58]
Yeah and it’s, you know, it’s not serving. So I for example, if I feel like somebody is not the perfect match, you know, I try to give them some kind of resource if I knew somebody I can refer them to because they vibe together. They could be perfect. Or you know, giving them like an book idea or a course or whatever so they really they get served so it’s not just because you say no to somebody to work at this exclusive level and maybe one on one coaching or whatever it might be that it really makes you stronger when you’re really, really picky about my clients. And I also love the energy because once you’ve got the right clients into the door and you work with them it’s so rewarding for you as well.

Dana Pharant [11:52]
Yes because when you’re working with your ideal client it feels fun every day. And then I just was thinking: so one of my other things, of course pulling on this whole dominatrix theme, I love this piece from that world in that. As a dominatrix, I was in high demand, high demand and not because I was like the best in the top of my field and all those kinds of things. It’s just the reality is there are way more people looking for a good dominatrix than those that are available. And so I love bringing that energy into everything else and teaching my clients. It’s like, what if? What if you could imagine that there were people lined up begging to work with you? How selective would you be if you knew there was a lineup of people? And that’s the thing right. As a dominatrix, I was extremely picky. I was like, you know if I didn’t like somebody, I wasn’t going to work with them. I wasn’t gonna play with them. Because there’s way more people to pick from. And in the reality is, there are there are way more people, whatever business. There’s lots to pick from. So be selective.

Christine Schlonski [13:04]
Yeah, great, really, really great point. And that’s what I call it, my soul-mate clients. We all have like, different words for it, but you know, if it’s not aligned, then: I know, I will regret it if I do it, and they will not have the best time they could have. And then also, I want to make sure that they get the results, right, because they turn around and tell everybody. Well, she’s really great. And if it’s not your ideal client, they might not be as happy because they don’t read with the work like you want them to do the work. Yeah, something to be really, really mindful of in sales as well, that we obviously we need to deal with rejection that people say no to us. But also the other part of that coin is that you need to say no, to people if they’re not a fit.

Dana Pharant [13:57]
Yes. Right. And, and when you go in with that, then the conversation can be a mutual interview. And, you know, and then all the pressures off, you can, you can laugh, you can be yourself, you can have fun, and you want to be yourself in that interview. Because if they don’t like who you really are, they might be kind of shocked when you get onto the first conversation. Like the real get into the juice.

Christine Schlonski [14:21]
Oh yeah, definitely. It’s so hard. You know, it’s so hard to be somebody else, right? You know, you see that persona that you think you have to be like, I was in my sales job when I started. I thought I have to be like this. This is how business is done. And, you know, this is how I don’t even know I didn’t even learn it. It was just something that I picked up somewhere and then I was so super serious, like, wow, can you imagine spending all day being super serious? How boring is that?

Dana Pharant [14:56]
Suck the joy right out of it.

Christine Schlonski [14:58]
I know, I know and you know I mean, you spent so much time at work and now it’s like, I do something I love and it doesn’t, doesn’t matter. It’s like own my own schedule. I do what I want. I have a great time. And I’m quite sure that you run your business the same way. That you know, you just have something to get up to in the morning and to be excited about right. Like today I decided at like 10 o’clock oh, well, let’s just go for a walk in nature. You know, because my calendar did allow it. And then I just took two hours off to go out with my dogs. Like, I mean that is perfect. Yeah. So giving yourself that space to make those decisions and to also find kind of harmony and balance in what you do.

Dana Pharant [15:51]
Mm hmm.

Christine Schlonski [15:53]
So what are you doing when you or how do you find harmony in your business and life?

Dana Pharant [16:02]
But, you know, I think there’s a real similarity there, that I, I will take the time I function more from a flow with the energy because a lot of what I do is, is high-level energy work. And so I need time to replenish I have different ways of meditating, they’re more in the realm of moving meditation. So I love taking some time to dance to what I would call the rhythm of the earth. So it’s tuning in, and just really intuitive movement, no set, you know, not like thinking about how I want to move, but that allows me to, to really drop and reconnect in a in a deep way having time like, one of my things is my husband’s always encroaching at me but I take about a half hour in the shower. So that’s my space, right? The water, the ions, just as like, that’s where my ideas come in and the flow. And so I have lots of time for being creative because that replenishes me and I, you know, make a point of watching how much time that I’m in front of a screen because being in front of the computer screen can be quite draining for me. So it’s, it’s finding the flow. And, you know, there were days like today, I’m booked back to back with meetings and things. Whatever. And then tomorrow, I’ve got two hours off in the afternoon. So, you know, I’m gonna go for a walk.

Christine Schlonski [17:32]
Yeah, yeah that is amazing. Yeah. So I think also, like, self-care is a very important piece because sales is holistic. And many people just see that, you know, sales-make-money-done. But if you don’t feel good, you don’t show up fully, right? If you’ve maybe, you know, or if you feel exhausted, like how you’re going to bring the energy into the conversation? How will you show your potential client, and what are you all about? So we just set or discussed, like, some ideas where people could do, but they also need to allow themselves to take that space. And I know that a lot of people in the audience are very driven. So what would you suggest that like a driven person who loves to have medium to long to do list accomplished, when they can check off how they give themselves permission to take a whole day off? Or to stay in afternoon and bed if you like it? Or be in the shower, like half an hour, instead of those five minutes? Like, how can they start showing up more for themselves?

Dana Pharant [18:52]
I think the first thing is to, you know, to start to look at, okay, what nourishes my soul, what feeds me and you know, don’t worry about changing your behavior just yet. Just start, you know, a list. If you like it lists then start a list. Is it music? Is it a walk? Is it painting? Is it going and participating in some really rigorous physical activity? You know, what is it’s different for everybody? So you got to look at what is it that just recharges your batteries being with people not being with people, you know, what is it start having that list. And then what I would say is that it’s to look at incremental changes. So aim for 1% change. 1% change per week. So if you shift the amount of time that you spend with yourself for yourself, in these replenishing activities, by 1% of your schedule, you’re starting to nudge that movement along and it doesn’t feel as intimidating to just suddenly go I’m going to take a day off. Because for driven person to just suddenly take a day off and, you know as a recovered, well recovering, recovering workaholic, you know, there was when I was first really, really driven for me to take a day off would be so anxiety provoking, that it wasn’t helpful, you know, people would be like, Oh, you need to rest need to take a day off, I take a day off, and they’d be like, antsy, because there’s that to do list, it’s not getting done. And so the movement being subtle, you can adjust to read and, you know, shift the programs in your brain.

Christine Schlonski [20:41]
Interesting. So what you say that also this, this being like, super driven, might that be also motivated by a fear of not succeeding?

Dana Pharant [20:54]
Absolutely. And that would be my other thing is like, let’s look at what’s going on underneath that. Which might require somebody helping you or, you know, you having some reflective time. Okay, so what happens if you’re not accomplishing? What do you lose? What’s really going on underneath there, you’re afraid of failure, afraid of success, or you’re afraid of being alone with your thoughts? Is it scary for you to just be? There’s like, so many possibilities of what that could be, you know, for me, it was that I didn’t want to look at how bad my relationship was. And so if I was not driven to the point of distraction, then I would, then I would have to look at that. And so, you know, I knew it was distraction from that.

Christine Schlonski [21:41]
Yeah, yeah, that’s a really, really good point. And it’s also it could be that, you know, the fear of failing the fear of not making the money, you need to pay your bills, or the fear yeah, of just not having enough also could put you into the drive, drive, drive mode. And the interesting thing is that when you have more fun in your life when you when you have more harmony and things are in better flow, somehow you make more money. Have you experienced that?

Dana Pharant [22:17]
Absolutely. Well, you know, I always love telling people, it’s like to think about money as a person. And your life is a party or potential party. And, and so if you’re having a party and you’re inviting money, then think about what your life is right now. And what type of party, how would you have to describe the party to money? It’s like, Okay, so we’re going to sit around, we’re going to force ourselves to make phone calls and not gonna have any fun, we’re not going to don’t you dare smile! No, no, we’re not going to put any music on. We’re just going to stereo, there’s not going to be food, just not going to be drinks. Nothing, right? Money’s going to be like I’m going down the street. Bob’s having this party he’s got margaritas and a little conga line going on, it’s like, it’s quite fun. So I’ll see you later. Right.

Christine Schlonski [23:05]
That’s such a great sorry. Yeah.

Dana Pharant [23:07]
Yeah, it’s so it’s easier to attract money in when you’re having fun. It’s also easier to make sales conversations when you’re having fun and playing. People want to be around people who are fun.

Christine Schlonski [23:19]
Exactly, exactly. Yeah, what a what a great point. So is there anything to finish off besides that obviously people want to check out your book and the free chapter they can get on your page innerdominatrix.com. So anything you want to finish off with?

Dana Pharant [23:41]
I think, you know, one of the things I would just say is to give yourself time, like, I think for most people, this highly driven personality, especially is like looking for the instant results. And I would move the target out and say what if you looked at making radical changes, but over two years instead of tomorrow? So that there’s a little more space and a little more easy to make those incremental changes. You know, yes, you can work with somebody and move things along a lot faster. But even for the mindset in the mentality, just to think, Okay, well, what if I was to be able to get there in two years instead of tomorrow?

Christine Schlonski [24:21]
Yeah. And what if on the way on the path, everything would be okay?

Dana Pharant [24:30]
Yeah, make it make it easier, making space for it to be fun along the way. Yeah.

Christine Schlonski [24:36]
Well, thank you so much, Dana. It was so much fun to have you back on. And yeah, thanks for all the wisdom that you shared with us.

Dana Pharant [24:44]
My pleasure.

Christine Schlonski [24:47]
Wow. Now I have all these pictures in my head of this luxurious party and what that’s lots of lots of pictures. I hope you are feeling the same and you’re really inspired by that idea. I will definitely put that into action and put that into my clients conversations, because I think it’s going to put the feeling of sales into a new category where you are actually tapping into such positive, wonderful high vibe feelings that really will support you on your journey to have more amazing client conversations, to make more sales, to add to your bottom line and to really have the lifestyle and the business of your dreams. So I’m thank you so much, Dana, for this amazing interview. And you can check out the show notes, the transcript, the resources we talked about at christineschlonski.com. Have a really really great time and trying on these new ideas. Have a wonderful day wherever you are in this beautiful world. And bye for now.